Home Study, Part 1

Our home study has officially begun!

Yesterday our adoption counselor came to our house for a couple’s interview and safety visit. We started out with a basic tour of the house from room to room and then spent some time just talking over some questions about ourselves, the neighborhood, nearby resources, our friends and family, our church and the adoption process. I think it was a plus that we already have our nursery set up and things are child-proofed thanks to Buggy.

Shay did great with our new visitor and provided some comedy as only a 2 year old can get away with – aka: streaking from the bathroom to the living room after a potty break – somehow I think our adoption would have been severely compromised if that had been Jeff or me :) Shay had a brief meltdown when the stack of blocks she was working on fell down but I think it was good for our counselor to see how we handled the situation.

All in all, I think it went very well and was a lot easier than I expected. For the next step we meet at the agency office and have to fill out additional paperwork (in the same room but we aren’t allowed to talk with each other) and then we are interviewed individually. It sounds sort of like an interrogation but I think they are just looking to see if we are on the same page with things. After that, the last step is a service plan meeting where we discuss what we are open to in terms of the type of adoption (open, semi-open or closed, in-state or inclusive of other states) and things like race, gender, physical/mental impairments, etc. Lastly, our counselor will write up our home study and hopefully we’ll be approved. Following a home study approval, we’ll put together our family profile books and online profile and then it’s a waiting game.

I have been asked a lot about how the process works. Our agency is nationwide and places kids of all ages, both domestically and internationally. The middle Tennessee office only domestically places newborns so we will have what Jeff and I like to refer to as a “Waaah, Waaah!” Baby Bootcamp, round 2! In a domestic newborn adoption, the birth mother/parents choose the adoptive family. Hence the need for the family profile books and online profile. I believe at that point if the birth mother/parents want an open or semi-open adoption, a meeting can be arranged between them and the potential adoptive family. How open an adoption is depends on both parties and their comfort level. It can range from communicating on a first name basis only and simply sharing pictures and letters to becoming very close knit in a family or friendship type relationship.

There are a large variety of factors as to what makes a birth mother choose a particular family for her biological child. Sometimes she may be looking specifically for a couple who already has kids, a certain race, a stay at home parent, a couple that has been married for a certain number of years or a combination of these and any other criteria. Sometimes it’s something as simple as a familiar connection such as the adoptive family having the same breed of dog that the birth mother grew up with. You never really know. Jeff and I have spent time discussing what might be an advantage or a disadvantage with us in terms of someone choosing us as parents but, at the end of the day, we just trust that God has it all worked out. It is humbling to think that there may be someone out there who chooses us to raise their child as our own.

We should hear back from our counselor sometime next week to set up our individual interviews and go from there. Hopefully I’ll have more adoption news to share in the coming weeks.

We so appreciate the outpouring of support from our friends and family during this journey!

I’ll leave you with some pictures of our latest adventures:

Shay’s first trip to the circus!

I think she had more fun playing in the water fountains downtown afterward

A fun day at Lucky Ladd Farms

Shay and her buddy Sophia modeling their pretty pumpkin princess dresses/skirts

Gifts that Give Back

October gets me to start thinking about the holidays. You know those people who have all of their Christmas shopping done prior to carving a Thanksgiving turkey? Yeah, most of the time, that’s me. I’m a planner. I’m also a budgeter. So put the two together and you get The Early Christmas Shopper.

This year is no different and yet, it’s so very different. It’s no different in the sense that it’s October 8th and I already have over half of my Christmas shopping done. Yet, this year is different because I am trying to save money due to the expenses of our adoption while still giving gifts that I think people will enjoy; gifts that I hope will convey that love & care were put into each.

In addition to Christmas on a Budget, every year also brings what I’ve deemed as The Inner Conflict.

On one hand, it’s nice to give thoughtful gifts to those I love and cherish. It’s a beautiful thing to know that people around the world are taking the time to make their family and friends feel extra special through the giving of gifts. It’s a wonderful season to spread generosity. After all, the 3 wise men endowed gifts to Jesus right? I like tradition too. It seems that Christmas was a magical time when I was a child. Everyone dressed up. My extended family always got together. There was an amazing spread of food and beautiful decorations. My grandpa would always get all of the women & girls in the family flower corsages. It was always a happy day followed by a fun time of opening gifts in the evening. I want Shay to experience the “magic” of Christmas that seems to only be truly captured in the heart of a child.

All of that aside, I also see the commercialism that can ultimately can distract people from (cliché alert) the true meaning of Christmas. We get so busy running around doing so many things between work, kids, cooking, shopping and the like that we can miss so much around us. We, along with most of our family and friends, are extremely blessed to have homes, jobs, health insurance, etc. Though we do not live an mansions, drive fancy cars and wine & dine like celebrities, when it comes to gift giving, it really is the rich giving to the rich. Sadly, I heard that volunteerism is very high on holidays at soup kitchens and non-profit organizations but it drops off the rest of the year. As much as I want Shay to revel in the joy of the holiday, I also do not want her to think that getting gifts is what it is all about. I want her to understand the joy of Jesus’ birth. I want her to have a giving heart and to be grateful for all that she has.

Jeff and our most of our families are big into holiday traditions and gift giving. For several years now, Jeff and I have foregone getting each other gifts and instead directly give to our Compassion family. We have sponsored Marie Sheila through Compassion International since the beginning of our marriage and have had the privilege of building a relationship with her and her family through letter writing. Some years, I have wanted to refrain from giving gifts to anyone at all and instead help out folks who don’t have much to begin with instead. Of course, we don’t want to offend those who chose to give gifts, disappoint anyone or rain on tradition so how do you strike a balance? I thought that there has to be a way to give gifts that won’t break the bank AND will benefit people who really need the support.

And there is!

Once I started researching all of the options, I was pleasantly surprised to discover just how many websites offer sales of great gifts that also benefit charitable organizations. They range from donating a percentage of sales to whatever cause to putting 100% of the proceeds toward helping people, animals, the environment - you name it. I cannot begin to list them all here but wanted to share a few with you.

These are close to Jeff's & my hearts:

Adoption Bug:  Of course I have to share this one first since it's so near & dear to our hearts this year.  A percentage of every shirt sold goes directly to us to fund our adoption.

My Pink Robot (Cafe Press): Speaking of adoption, one of my sweet friends from Belmont and her husband are in the process of adopting from South Korea (I told her that South Korean adoptees are pretty darn great)!  After 2 other country programs fell through and a heart-wrenching battle with infertility, she inspires me with her loving, giving, hopeful heart and her candid openness to share her greatest struggles and joys.  Read her blog To Love a Rose then support her adoption through sales from her Cafe Press site.  You'll be helping a wonderful couple open their hearts & homes to one very lucky child!

St. Jude Children's Research Hospital:  Jeff & I have been St. Jude sponsors since 2006 and love the mission of this hospital.  These are gifts that inspire hope and help fight childhood cancer.  100% of profits after related expenses benefit the children at St. Jude.

Thistle Farms: I had the pleasure of volunteering with Thistle Farms/Magdalene House when my work sponsored a volunteer day with this amazing organization.  Thistle Farms is a social enterprise run by women who have survived lives of prostitution, trafficking, addiction and life on the streets.  By hand, they create high quality, natural body care products that support Magdalene House which is a 2 year residential community that helps these women.  Thistle Farms/Magdalene House believes that love is stronger than all of the forces that drive women to the streets.

Watch this video to learn more about Magdalene/Thistle Farms (edited by one of my wonderful co-workers)

Just Give:  This site allows you to gift people with a dollar amount of your choosing to apply to any charity of their choice.  I have received Just Give gifts from friends/co-workers before and think it's a great thing to be able to benefit the charities I love.

I thought these were cool:

Greyston Bakery: Their motto that hits the spot:  "We don't hire people to bake brownies.  We bake brownies to hire people."  Proceeds go to job training programs - and even Ben & Jerry's ice cream features their treats.

Heifer International: Choose a meaningful gift to give a loved one and help children and families around the world receive training and animal gifts that help them become self-reliant. 

Gifts that Give: $1 out of every $5 goes to any cause of your choice.

Had to include some for the animal lovers:

A Dog's Life: A perfect gift for the wine and dog lover.  This site allows you to create a custom photo wine label and ship it on one of their two "rescue reserve" bottles of wine.  10% of the proceeds from sales of these wines goes to benefitting animal shelters.

Earth Dog: 10% of profits go to spay/neuter programs and active fosters for rescued dogs.

Happy shopping!