On Monday evening, I got a call from our adoption agency's birthmother counselor asking if we would be okay with her showing our profile to a birthmom who is 7 months pregnant. Typically, she would just show our profile and we wouldn't know it but, in this case, she wanted to check with us first because the birthmom had moderately drank (about 2-3 drinks at a time a few times a week) and smoked before she found out she was pregnant at 7 weeks along. After which, she quit smoking and only has a glass of wine once a week or every other week. She has been receiving regular prenatal care.
Jeff and I discussed and both immediately knew that we were okay with this. The counselor said that she would be showing the birthmom many profiles (basically, guard your hearts to keep from getting hopes up too high) and would let us know whether we were chosen to meet with the birthmother or not.
Tuesday evening I received an email telling us that the birthmom had chosen another adoptive family. Surprisingly, while we were both a tiny bit disappointed, we were mostly encouraged to know that our agency is actively showing our profile. As of Monday, we didn't know if they had shown it or not. We have the option to ask the statistics but have chosen not to so as not to dwell on it but it is nice to know that they are thinking of us. It's also nice to know that our agency is sensitive to the emotions of those adopting and communicate honestly and quickly so as not to leave us hanging.
We are both trusting God that if we are meant to become adoptive parents, it will be the right fit. It actually makes me happy to know that there is another couple who is probably so, so excited at this moment knowing that they are taking positive steps toward adoption and it's probably a relief for the birthmom to have been able to make such a huge decision. The connection to us just wasn't meant to be.
With domestic infant adoption, the birthparent(s) to adoptive parent(s) connection can be anything, big or small. Sometimes, it's just a feeling. We cannot take it personally if we are not chosen. We've discussed whether us being a mixed race couple or us already having a child are advantages or disadvantages but they are really neither.
I think when and if the time comes, we will know if it is meant to be in our heart of hearts.
Welcome to my little blog!
For my husband Jeff and me, Adoption, Infertility, and Hyperemesis Gravidarum have all been part of the journey in building our family. I share about these along with the joys and challenges of parenting our two daughters.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Sunday, May 12, 2013
A Different Perspective on Mother's Day
Mother's Day is beautiful for me this year. I am lucky to be the mother of an amazing, sweet, funny, beautiful, smart little 3 year old girl who is happy & healthy. I get to share Mother's Day with my loving husband and incredible daddy to our daughter. Both Jeff & I have our own mothers and even each have a grandmother this side of heaven to be thankful for.
I don't really know if they celebrate a comparable holiday to Mother's Day in South Korea. It is still a very strange thought to me that there are people somewhere in the world who have a beautiful granddaughter in Shay and don't even know it. A piece of me grieves this thought.
The fact that we are in the adoption process makes me think about how bittersweet Mother's Day must be for all of the birthmothers who have so bravely chosen adoption for their kids. To the birthmother of our potential adopted child, words cannot express the depth of our gratitude to you for chosing life, for making such a huge sacrifice out of the deepest love. If we meet and are able to build a relationship, I look forward to honoring you each Mother's Day.
This Mother's Day I take pause to think about everyone else who finds this day difficult.
As I mentioned above, Jeff and I both have our mothers to talk with, spend time with, share laughter with, etc. I do not think that losing a parent would ever be easy no matter how old they are. And so I think about all of those who do not have their mothers to spend time with or send a gift to on this day.
The women who cannot conceive, who wonder if they'll ever become mothers. I've spent a few Mother's Days in the past wondering the very same thing, hoping against hope. We were told last year that we had less than a 1% chance of conceiving. Even now, even after having had a biological child, even after a hellish pregnancy, even amidst a potential adoption that I am so excited about, a piece of me holds onto a little bit of disappointment that we still face infertility. My heart goes out to all of those struggling with the heartbreak of infertility.
I have a friend who is anxiously waiting to be able to travel to South Korea to pick up her adopted son after several heart-wrenching failed adoptions and infertility. I know she feels so much longing in her heart to be united with this precious little boy, especially on this day. I think about all those who are separated from their children right now.
One of my co-workers lost his wife during the birth of their first and only child. I think about all of the dads who face this day without the mothers of their children and of the men who lost their wives before they got the chance to become the mothers of their children.
I think about the child whose mother left for whatever reason who misses her every day but on this day in particular. I think about those estranged from their mothers, separated by the many heartbreaks of the world.
I think about the mother whose child is terminally ill. The mother who has lost her child or miscarried. I think about those who almost became mothers only to see that dream shattered.
I do not mean to be depressing. I just felt the need to remember, think of and pray for those who are lonely, hurt or grieving on this day. One of the best things I can do is to not take what I have for granted. If you are a mother, hold your child(ren) close and love on them. If you have a mother, let her know how much you love her if you are able to. Take time to encourage someone who may need the extra encouragement today.
I don't really know if they celebrate a comparable holiday to Mother's Day in South Korea. It is still a very strange thought to me that there are people somewhere in the world who have a beautiful granddaughter in Shay and don't even know it. A piece of me grieves this thought.
The fact that we are in the adoption process makes me think about how bittersweet Mother's Day must be for all of the birthmothers who have so bravely chosen adoption for their kids. To the birthmother of our potential adopted child, words cannot express the depth of our gratitude to you for chosing life, for making such a huge sacrifice out of the deepest love. If we meet and are able to build a relationship, I look forward to honoring you each Mother's Day.
This Mother's Day I take pause to think about everyone else who finds this day difficult.
As I mentioned above, Jeff and I both have our mothers to talk with, spend time with, share laughter with, etc. I do not think that losing a parent would ever be easy no matter how old they are. And so I think about all of those who do not have their mothers to spend time with or send a gift to on this day.
The women who cannot conceive, who wonder if they'll ever become mothers. I've spent a few Mother's Days in the past wondering the very same thing, hoping against hope. We were told last year that we had less than a 1% chance of conceiving. Even now, even after having had a biological child, even after a hellish pregnancy, even amidst a potential adoption that I am so excited about, a piece of me holds onto a little bit of disappointment that we still face infertility. My heart goes out to all of those struggling with the heartbreak of infertility.
I have a friend who is anxiously waiting to be able to travel to South Korea to pick up her adopted son after several heart-wrenching failed adoptions and infertility. I know she feels so much longing in her heart to be united with this precious little boy, especially on this day. I think about all those who are separated from their children right now.
One of my co-workers lost his wife during the birth of their first and only child. I think about all of the dads who face this day without the mothers of their children and of the men who lost their wives before they got the chance to become the mothers of their children.
I think about the child whose mother left for whatever reason who misses her every day but on this day in particular. I think about those estranged from their mothers, separated by the many heartbreaks of the world.
I think about the mother whose child is terminally ill. The mother who has lost her child or miscarried. I think about those who almost became mothers only to see that dream shattered.
I do not mean to be depressing. I just felt the need to remember, think of and pray for those who are lonely, hurt or grieving on this day. One of the best things I can do is to not take what I have for granted. If you are a mother, hold your child(ren) close and love on them. If you have a mother, let her know how much you love her if you are able to. Take time to encourage someone who may need the extra encouragement today.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
No News
I realized that I haven't blogged in a little over a month. This certainly doesn't mean that there hasn't been a lot of life happening but we've been at a standstill with the adoption process so I haven't had anything new to report on that front.
We were relieved at the completion of all of our home study paperwork, interviews, etc. that we figured it'd be so nice to just get to the waiting period. And we still do. However, enough time has passed now that the questions are starting to pop up.
Has our profile has been shown?
How long until we get "the call?"
We will get "the call?"
How long are we willing to wait?
It is weird to go into our fully supplied and decorated nursery not knowing if or when we'll have an infant son or daughter to occupy it. In fact, I try not to go in there too often. I'm sure the questions, uncertainty and doubts are no different than those of any others going through the adoption waiting process.
As of right now, 2 years of waiting seems to be our threshold. If we get placement within that time period, we'll be extremely happy. If we don't get placement, I cannot say that I won't be at all disappointed but the way we are choosing to look at it is that we will still get the joy of raising Shay, can put all of our resources toward her and will consider the money we've put in thus far a means of helping to fund the work our agency does to support birth-mothers.
We were relieved at the completion of all of our home study paperwork, interviews, etc. that we figured it'd be so nice to just get to the waiting period. And we still do. However, enough time has passed now that the questions are starting to pop up.
Has our profile has been shown?
How long until we get "the call?"
We will get "the call?"
How long are we willing to wait?
It is weird to go into our fully supplied and decorated nursery not knowing if or when we'll have an infant son or daughter to occupy it. In fact, I try not to go in there too often. I'm sure the questions, uncertainty and doubts are no different than those of any others going through the adoption waiting process.
As of right now, 2 years of waiting seems to be our threshold. If we get placement within that time period, we'll be extremely happy. If we don't get placement, I cannot say that I won't be at all disappointed but the way we are choosing to look at it is that we will still get the joy of raising Shay, can put all of our resources toward her and will consider the money we've put in thus far a means of helping to fund the work our agency does to support birth-mothers.
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