Wasn't Meant to Be This Time Around

On Monday evening, I got a call from our adoption agency's birthmother counselor asking if we would be okay with her showing our profile to a birthmom who is 7 months pregnant.  Typically, she would just show our profile and we wouldn't know it but, in this case, she wanted to check with us first because the birthmom had moderately drank (about 2-3 drinks at a time a few times a week) and smoked before she found out she was pregnant at 7 weeks along.  After which, she quit smoking and only has a glass of wine once a week or every other week.  She has been receiving regular prenatal care. 

Jeff and I discussed and both immediately knew that we were okay with this.  The counselor said that she would be showing the birthmom many profiles (basically, guard your hearts to keep from getting hopes up too high) and would let us know whether we were chosen to meet with the birthmother or not. 

Tuesday evening I received an email telling us that the birthmom had chosen another adoptive family.  Surprisingly, while we were both a tiny bit disappointed, we were mostly encouraged to know that our agency is actively showing our profile.  As of Monday, we didn't know if they had shown it or not.  We have the option to ask the statistics but have chosen not to so as not to dwell on it but it is nice to know that they are thinking of us.  It's also nice to know that our agency is sensitive to the emotions of those adopting and communicate honestly and quickly so as not to leave us hanging.

We are both trusting God that if we are meant to become adoptive parents, it will be the right fit.  It actually makes me happy to know that there is another couple who is probably so, so excited at this moment knowing that they are taking positive steps toward adoption and it's probably a relief for the birthmom to have been able to make such a huge decision.  The connection to us just wasn't meant to be.

With domestic infant adoption, the birthparent(s) to adoptive parent(s) connection can be anything, big or small.  Sometimes, it's just a feeling.  We cannot take it personally if we are not chosen.  We've discussed whether us being a mixed race couple or us already having a child are advantages or disadvantages but they are really neither.

I think when and if the time comes, we will know if it is meant to be in our heart of hearts.