My Husband is a Real Life Superhero

Yikes, it’s been 4 months since I last touched this blog. 

I’ll be honest, this pregnancy is absolutely kicking my butt.  I am exhausted and have a headache a good majority of the time as well as bouts of nausea.  Soooo much better than full blown HG, but difficult nonetheless.  I haven’t been able to completely wean off of medications which has been discouraging to me as someone who doesn’t even like to take OTC medication at all.  I still need to take Phenergen pills on occasion but the big thing is that I have to wear scolpolamine patches behind my ears at all times.  They are commonly placed after full anesthesia post-surgery to help people with nausea but, in my case, they keep the HG at bay.  It’s frusterating because I am 24 weeks along and by week 17 of my last pregnancy, I was completely off all meds and had a pretty normal pregnancy.

I’m extremely grateful for my boss and co-workers who have all been so supportive.  I have a really solid team in place and am able to work from home on the bad days.  Short term disability paid my salary at 100% for the months I was out of work and our insurance covered the cost of everything.  I know many women with HG who have lost their jobs due to their inability to work.  It’s heartbreaking and I do not take the blessings that I have for granted.

So, most everyone knows that my husband is Spiderman (and occasionally Iron Man) with Marvel and with a local children’s entertainment company.  What everyone may not know is that he is a real life superhero.  I cannot tell you how much more difficult this 2^nd HG pregnancy would be for me without his love and support.  During those first dark months when I was in the hospital and then bedridden at home with a PICC line, he took care of both Shay and me.  He never once complained about it.  Even now, I am so exhausted after work that I often just crash when I get home.  He feeds & bathes Shay and gets her ready for bedtime.  I have a good deal of mommy guilt for missing so much time and care for our daughter, but he is so encouraging and does a great job with her (and me).

After 2 awful pregnancies with HG, I don’t want to go through it again and Jeff doesn’t want to put me in that situation either.  Thankfully, two kiddos was always our limit anyway.  I feel for the women in my HG support group who want to have more children but cannot because of the physical, emotional & financial toll that HG takes.  

He has given me permission to write about this, so I can post that Jeff got a vasectomy on Feb. 7^th.  This seems to terrify so many men but Jeff really stood up like the superhero he is and “took one (well, really two) for the team.”  He said it was the least he could do after watching me endure HG and childbirth.  He also knows how much harder it is for a woman to have a hysterectomy.  He even opted on his own accord to just do a local anesthetic so that he could drive himeself there and back.  The plan that day was for me to get Shay to school in the morning (he had to leave the house before that time) and for me to pick her back up in the afternoon and bring her to work with me for the rest of the day to give him that time to rest.  However, HG had different plans and, while I was able to get Shay to school in the morning, I ended up vomiting non-stop at work and had to come back home early.  The icing on the proverbial cake was that it was a cold day and I had worn one of Jeff’s winter jackets which I ended up vomiting all over on the drive home.  I walked in the house crying and blubbering like a fool something to the tune of, “I’m so sorry.  The one day I wanted to be able to support you and I can’t even do that.  AND I THREW UP ALL OVER YOUR JACKET!!!”  Jeff just laughed at me and proceeded to take care of me and he went and got Shay from school that afternoon.  Despite it being a crappy day in health land, both of us managed to still see the humor in the situation and I refered to him as “Numb Nuts” all day. 

I will admit that, even with us only wanting two kids, I did have a very slight pang of disappointment that I likely will never have a son.  I’m kind of flying blind at the thought of raising sisters since I never had one growing up.  However, I am extremely happy to know that Kyla will soon be joining our family.  Shay is excited to be a big sister and we can’t wait to see what Kyla looks like and get to know her unique personality.  I can already tell just by her activity in the womb that she is different than her big sister.  She’s super active and strong!  Around this time, I was just starting to feel little flutters/kicks with Shay.  I’ve been able to feel strong, distinctive kicks from Kyla since week 16.  Jeff and Shay have both felt her kick and she already moves my whole belly with her gymnastics/kick-boxing (often at night when I’m trying to sleep).  She can definitely hear now because she went ape one day when Jeff was banging a bunch of metal pans around and Shay starting yelling.  So looking forward to holding her in my arms instead of getting pummeled by her from the inside. 

Jeff is eager to take care of all of his girls.  I am so glad he is not one of those men who only wants boys.  I am also extremely grateful that we are in the position to have one of us stay at home.  Jeff did great with Shay and I have no doubt that he’ll do great with Kyla too.  HG is difficult for everyone.  Jeff has had to step up a lot more with taking care of both Shay and me as well as running the household.  Shay has lost time with Mommy although she is very much a Daddy’s Girl.  The book “Mama Has Hyperemesis Gravidarum (But only for a Little While)" helped and, at 3 years old, Shay is good at empathizing with someone having an illness.  I hear complaints from many women whose husbands are not supportive in the least and it makes be sad for them and even more grateful for Jeff who has promised to be my rock through this experience.  That is a real man and a real life superhero if you ask me.  

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Growing Our Family

Life, with all of its twists and turns, caught us by surprise again.  Ever hear the "best laid plans" saying?  Well, we definitely know that there are just things you cannot plan for.  Never has it been more apparent than in the last year.

Here is a rough timeline of events:

2003 - Got married (always talked about having a biological child and adopting the opposite gender from South Korea)
2005-2008 - Struggled with infertility
2009 - Got pregnant and had a horrible go around with Hyperemesis Gravidarum
2010 - Shay was born!
2012 - Began to look into South Korean adoption only to discover we are ineligible due to the South Korean government mandate that there cannot be more than a 10 year age gap between spouses (Jeff & I are 11.5 years apart)
2012 - Went to see what our chances of conceiving naturally again would be and were told that we had less than a 1% chance.  I wasn't positive I wanted to go that route due to the rough time with H.G. but I wanted to know all of our options.
2012 - Though it was a big change from what we had planned, we started the process to adopt domestically figuring that the infertility diagnosis was confirmation enough to proceed with adoption.
2013 - Our home study was approved and we were chosen by a birthmother a few months ago.  This adoption ultimately fell through as she decided to parent once the baby was born.

This all leads me to today.  Timing has been so crazy and yet so orchestrated.  Our agency was calling us to begin the process for a home study renewal.  Both of us were a little hesitant for several reasons I won't go into on this post.  Suffice it to say, we weren't 100% and wanted to take some time to both get clarity on how to proceed.  

For months we've had our Smoky Mountains trip planned so we wanted to go and celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary with a private vow renewal and photography at one of the most beautiful places ever, Honeysuckle Hills and just take some time to step back from everything.  We also rented a beautiful chalet way up in the mountains with amazing views, hot tub, jacuzzi, fireplace, etc.

Here's the crazy part:  Just a few days prior to leaving for the Smoky Mountains, I found out I am pregnant!  Excitement, fear, everything hit all at once.  This was definitely an answer regarding whether or not to renew our home study.  Jeff called our case worker and she was very supportive and has suspended our case but we can always renew it if we choose adoption later.  Ironically, just after finding out I am pregnant, I also was contacted to enter the final process for grad. school admission to ASU's online master's program and found out that I had been selected to attend the NAMIC business leadership seminar in L.A., both of which I had to turn down.  After confirming the pregnancy with the doctor, off we went on our anniversary trip.  I'm so glad we had those precious, amazing days because, on the last day of the trip, Hyperemesis Gravidarum reared its ugly head with full force. 

It was an extremely long trip back with me throwing up constantly.  Luckily we got back into town in the early afternoon and were able to see Dr. V. that evening.  He immediately admitted me to the hospital where I stayed all the way until yesterday evening.  We had hoped that it would be much easier to treat the H.G. this time around but we thought wrong.  The hospitals and infusion companies will no longer give as high a dosage of meds as they did when I was pregnant with Shay so it took some miserable days in the hospital trying to come up with a combination of meds that would work to help me.  Yesterday, after 4 tries, they were finally able to get a PICC line and now I'm home attached to 2 medicine pumps and will have home care nursing twice a week.

I cannot tell you how awful H.G. is.  But with it came so much outpouring of support from family and friends.  We are so grateful.  I'm 7 weeks along and we're most definitely still not out of the woods as far as risk of miscarriage so I continue to ask for prayers.   I also wanted to send out a huge thank you to those who have supported the adoption.  We still paid about $6,000 into it and, even though things haven't worked out the way we thought, we are still so grateful for everyone who has supported all of our means to grow our family.  

Two Steps Forward

Just an update today on two items of baby business:


1. Yesterday I had my PICC line taken out so I'm finally free of constant medication and from the medicine pack that Jeff refers to as my "buddy." The nurse pulled well over a foot of tubing from the hole in my arm. Yes kinda gross, but also kinda fascinating. I didn't watch when it was put in so it was really weird to see it come out. It sounds crazy, but I feel free! I've been attached to various needles, tubes, valves and the pack for over 2 1/2 months and am so grateful for little things that I can now do without that stuff. For instance, just moving anywhere without dragging it along and constantly watching that the tubing didn't get caught on anything. Taking a shower easily. With the PICC line in, you CANNOT get it wet and the line, snaps, valves, etc took up a good amount of real estate in my upper arm so I always had to wrap the whole deal with the Press & Seal plastic wrap and tape it up really well. I pretty much washed my hair and cleaned up using one arm (and if you know how much long hair I have, that is quite a task!). The medicine pack itself made a whirring noise when the medicine was dispensed every once in awhile and would loudly beep if the tubing was blocked in any way, the battery was running low or the medicine was almost out. It woke me up all the time. Just rolling out of bed this morning without having to unwind tubing from my blankets and grab the pack was so nice! Yeah, sometimes it's the little things in life!


2. When we went to the OB-gyn last week, they did a routine blood draw to test for any warning signs of things that could be potentially wrong with the baby or that would warrent further testing. Got a call this morning from the doctor's office with the results. Great news! Everything tested negative! It's always a little bit of a relief and celebration when things look healthy with baby. So until our big ultrasound appointment on the 22nd, I can just sit back and wait for my belly to get big and feel the baby move!


I'm going back to work on Thursday but for now off to enjoy this beautiful fall weather! I'm finally feeling better enough to get out a little so Jeff and I are headed to Lock Two Park (a few blocks from our house) to sit outside, let our dog Aslan run around and enjoy the beautiful site of the river. Picked the perfect time to come out of hyperemesis hibernation...fall is my absolute favorite time of year!

Hyperemesis, Hospitals & Home Care

It's been a long time since my last post. So much has happened but I'll try to give an overview of the "highlights" of the last couple of months:


Jul. 19th thru 22nd - Jeff took me to the ER at Summit Hospital in Hermitage because I had been throwing up nonstop for days and was extremely dehydrated. Too many needle sticks and several hours later, we wound up at Dr. Vasquez's office where he immediately diagnosed me with hyperemesis gravidarum (think morning sickness on crack 24/7) and had me admitted to Centennial Women's Hospital (more IV's and needle sticks) in Nashville where I stayed for a few days to get some meds and fluids in...my first overnight hospital stay.


Jul. 27th thru Aug. 3rd - After an unsuccessful few days of trying to be at home with a low-dose subcutaneous medicine pump (meds pumped through a needle inserted into my abdomen) I would up in the same condition and had to be re-admitted to the hospital again, this time for a week. Dr. Vasquez upped the dosage of meds and tried different types of meds to see what would be most effective with me. I have never been so sick or felt worse in all my life.


Aug. 4th thru 13th - After getting released from the hospital, I went home with the same medicine pump but a much higher dosage of meds and the infusion through IV instead of subcutaneously. The IV felt much better as the needle in the abdomen thing stung and made my belly really sore. The downside is that my veins didn't hold up for more than 48 hours so every other day, my home care nurse Brenda (God bless her!) had to come and put in a new IV. I had hard lumps all over my arms and eventually ran out of places to insert a new IV.


Sometime around Aug. 10th - Jeff wasn't feeling well and had a bad headache and blurred vision. He called our regular doctor and was told to go to the ER to get checked out because he might have a TIA (not sure what that stands for). Turns out they discovered through a scan that he had a blood clot behind an eye leading to his brain and that he had had a mini-stroke. They think it may have been the result of a past injury. The ER doc wanted to admit him to the hospital but he begged not to be since I was so sick at home. So the doc agreed to let him to home and put him on blood thinning meds. Thankfully there hasn't been any signs of lasting damage and the clot broke up with the meds. Jeff is now done with the meds and none the worse for the wear. He'll have to go back on occasion for check ups. I'm so thankful he is okay. Blood clots have been a problem in my family and they are nothing to mess with!


Aug. 14th - Back we went to Centennial to have a PICC line inserted. This basically consisted of the doctor giving me an injection to numb a small area in my upper arm and then cutting a small hole in that spot and threading a tube through a deep vein running through my upper arm, across the chest and ending near my heart with the help of a small ultrasound machine. Isn't technology crazy?


Aug. 14th thru Present - I still have my PICC line in. Though it's rather annoying to have tubes and valves coming out of my arm, it is so much better than constantly changing out IV's. Brenda comes once a week to change the PICC line dressing. Jeff manages it the rest of the time. He has been so great with dealing with the doctor, insurance, Coram Infusion Services (the company that provides my medicine & all of the accessories for the pump and PICC line), Continuous Care Services (home care nursing), filing for work disability, communicating with my HR dept., etc. He's been taking great care of me...I'm totally spoiled now. He's even become a nurse of sorts as he flushes out my PICC line with saline and Heparin every night.


I'm now 15 weeks along. Still pretty weak and and tire very quickly but definitely better than how I was feeling during the hospital stays. I'm slowly weaning off of the PICC line meds so I'm hoping that I won't need the pump in another week or so. I've found so much to be thankful for during this time. I have had so much outpouring of love and prayer from family and friends. My short term disability has covered me at work so my income is still rolling in and everyone there has been so supportive. Our insurance coverage has been amazing, without which we would be tens of thousands of dollars in debt. We've had the best health care people to work with. There is so much to be thankful for.


Most of all, we have a healthy baby so far despite everything! Here's an ultrasound pic from last week.

Why in the world is it called "morning" sickness?

So good news or bad news first? I usually prefer bad news first so that the good news can overshadow it.


Bad news: I am so sick! I can't stop throwing up, have a constant headache and am tired all of the time. I wish it was limited to just the morning! I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through another possible 6+ weeks of feeling like this and working full-time but I know I have to somehow. I just hope I can manage to make it to the bathroom instead of throwing up at my desk at work...then I'd have a heckuva time trying to keep this under wraps until 12 weeks! The only thing to get me through is knowing that it'll be worth it in the end for a healthy baby. Oh and Jeff is being sooooo great...pampering me and running all the errands and everything. Thank God for him!


Good news: On Tuesday (the 14th) when I got home from work there was a UPS Express envelope at my front door. Upon opening it up, it was a letter telling me I had won a 5 day/4 night trip to the Sunset Jamaica Grande Resort & Spa, 2 round trip tickets on JetBlue Airlines, and a copy of the Bride Wars DVD! It was part of a promotional trip giveaway through Fox Entertainment & Women's World Magazine that I had been entering about a month ago. I had actually forgotten about it until I got the letter. We just have to send back the affidavits and get all of our information. Jeff & I spent our honeymoon in Jamaica so we were thinking that maybe we could spend our 6 year anniversary this year on this trip...sort of our "babymoon." Our anniversary falls in November so it's the perfect time to go. I'll be looking fat, but not full-blown pregnant so I'm sure a swimsuit will not be flattering but, as long as I don't feel the way I do now with the nonstop nausea, I'll be one fat, happy camper!!!