Birth Family Search, Part 1

Both parents are unknown. 

These are the words on page 1 of the 4 pages of adoption paperwork I have. The idea of seriously engaging in a birth family search never crossed my mind because there wasn't any information. No names, no dates of birth, nothing.

...unknown. 

That's how they've existed in my mind for as long as I can remember.

3 weeks ago, I traveled to Korea with the idea that it would be a great way to see my birth country and meet other Korean adoptees. While those were both true, I had no idea what life-changing experiences were ahead or to what depth they would affect me.

Early on during First Trip Home, I shared with the group that I came with no expectations. What I meant was that I had no expectations of finding any birth family. I truly didn't think that it was something I would need to realistically think about.

I ended my last update with the news that on September 2nd I got copies of letters handwritten by my birth mother and found out that I have an older biological brother who was born in 1980.

Fast forward several days. That's when the BFS team pulled me aside to tell me the police had discovered the following:

• My birth mother died in 1989
• They located an address for my older biological sister
• They located an address for my birth father
• No new info. on my biological brother
• My birth parents were married for a time during which they registered all 3 kids onto the family registry (kind of like birth certificate records in the U.S.)

Boom! Well, that was a lot to absorb in the space of 5 minutes.

This post was delayed because I knew I needed some time.

How do you reconcile going from nothing to knowing a little more about your birth mother and discovering you have a brother to then knowing your birth mother died to now being told your birth father is alive AND that you have a sister too? How do you grieve for the loss of someone who gave you life but who you don't have any shred of memory of? 

BFS is an involved process in Korea. I believe the police who did the legwork to find this info. had to forward it to Korea Adoption Services who had to pass it into Korea Social Services who then sent telegrams out to my sister and father. In case you're wondering, telegrams in Korea are not like Pony Express...think more like certified mail where the recipient has to sign for it.

There were only a couple of days left in Korea before I had to travel to Japan for a week of work. While I normally would have been so excited to go to Tokyo prior to FTH, I was feeling pretty overwhelmed at this point and wishing I was heading home instead. Katie, my friend & FTH roomie, commented that, since telegrams had gone out, perhaps the Japan trip would be a good thing in case more developed in my case. After all, Seoul is only a 2 hour flight away from Tokyo. By the time I flew to Japan on Fri. Sept. 9th, KSS confirmed that my sister had received the telegram but there was no confirmation that my father had signed for his yet. I was told by G.O.A.'L that he lived pretty far from Seoul so his would probably take longer.

I was told that the telegrams are very vague. Something to the tune of, "If you know of an adoption in your family, please call..."

I left for Japan not knowing if my sister remembered me, if she or our birth father would want to meet me or if anyone would respond to the telegrams at all...