Birth Family Search, Part 2

In some ways, this post is about the conclusion of my birth family search but, in so many others, it's really just the beginning of a new chapter in my life.

I was working out of Netflix's Tokyo office when I got the news from G.O.A.'L's BFS Director that my sister wanted to meet!

That evening I cancelled my flight to L.A. from Tokyo and booked a flight back to Seoul for the afternoon of Friday Sept. 16th (Korea time). BOA Travel House, were I had stayed at during FTH, was booked for Friday evening so I found a hotel in Myeongdong, the other area of Seoul that I was somewhat familiar with. The hotel was near the subway station so I wouldn't have to worry about walking far with my heavy luggage.

The next day, it was confirmed that my sister would be bringing her husband, our father and his wife to the reunion as well. The thought of meeting 4 people all at once was overwhelming but one of the part-time G.O.A.'L staffers helped me out by saying that all of the people coming are the ones who definitely wanted to meet me and felt that they should be there.

I'm sure my Japanese colleagues thought I was a little nuts because I was so distracted with everything that was transpiring.

On Friday morning, I made my way back to Haneda (Tokyo) airport and headed back to Seoul. It was really good for me to have some time to relax once I found the hotel, Skypark Central Myeongdong. Which was super cute, by the way.

Every floor had a complimentary nail polish vanity. The 9th and 10th floors have cosmetics and princess themed rooms. I needed to get nail polish remover but was able to use the free stuff at the hotel...it's the little things in life.

As a way of distracting myself, I walked around the bustling market filled with vendors and Korean street food. I also made my way to the really nice coffee place next door to the hotel, Cafe Droptop where I may have treated myself to a mini custard pie and latte.

The walking through the crowds paired with traveling did the trick and I was actually tired enough to sleep that night.

The next day was Saturday...the big day! I hopped a subway over to the Hongdae area in the morning and met up with a couple of G.O.A.'L staffers and Cindie, another FTH adoptee who had stayed in Korea for awhile after FTH ended. Great to see all of them and great to keep my mind occupied prior to the reunion. Plus, while taking a subway ride is no big accomplishment, I was still pretty proud of myself for traveling in a foreign country solo and not getting lost.

I had enough time to get back to Myeongdong and get myself ready before meeting with Sylvia from G.O.A.'L who so graciously took the time to not only arrange the meeting logistics with my sister, but who also came with for translation and support. We walked over to the Lotte Hotel.

Upon opening the doors to a private room at the restaurant (which I think was Momoyama), I walked into what was one of the most surreal moments of my life. I saw all 4 people in the room but I think the one who immediately stood out the most was Eunjin, my sister. I don't think any of us knew whether to hug, bow, shake hands or what so we all sort of awkwardly sat down. Eunjin had written me a letter which Sylvia quietly read to me. It explained what had happened to our family, how they had searched for me, etc. When I looked up, she was crying, our father had his face covered with his hands crying and I welled up too.

I wasn't hungry but the restaurant kept bringing dish after dish. We proceeded to talk and ask questions all throughout the meal, the beginning of getting to know each other. It was a mix of laughing and crying with Eunjin and me doing most of the talking. Sylvia was amazing...constantly and compassionately translating. My father's wife, who Eunjin calls Omma or Mom, brought a few pictures for me. That was so thoughtful and meant so much to me. I need to scan and restore these photos but here are some snapshots I took of a couple of them.

My birth mother holding Eunjin

Me before our family was split up. I don't have any photos of me prior to the ones taken at the orphanage. In all of those, I look so sad. It makes me happy to see this. Though there weren't many pictures taken back in the day, this one was because my father had bought me this new dress.

Toward the end of our time at the restaurant, our father readily agreed to the DNA test for confirmation even though he commented that it wasn't really necessary since it was obvious between the photos and the family resemblance that we are related. He kept pulling out little tufts of hair which made us all start laughing.

Eunjin then cautiously invited me to stay at her and her husband, Jong Wook's, apartment that evening. She didn't want to pressure me but, knowing we had less than 24 hours together before my flight back to the States, she wanted to make the most of the time. Though it was way out of my comfort zone as we had just met and wouldn't have Sylvia to translate, I agreed. How could I turn down the opportunity to get to know my Korean family better, language barrier aside?

I'm so glad I said yes. Jong Wook (now better known to me as Hyoungboo, a Korean affectionate term from a younger sister-in-law to an older brother-in-law) headed off to run some errands. Eunjin helped me grab my stuff at the hotel and check out and then we went and got our father and stepmother. It was about an hour drive through Seoul to their apartment. Omma and Eunjin made dinner. Though Jong Wook claims to not speak English well, he actually was able to do a lot of translation and communication. The rest came through the help of translation apps. I spent a good majority of the evening showing my newfound family photos of the girls. We finished off the evening with a cake in honor of welcoming me and a week early birthday celebration for our father.

Speaking of birthdays, I learned that March 14th is based on the lunar calendar. My solar calendar birthday is actually March 24th.

My sweet sister insisted on gifting me with one of the matching diamond bands that her husband gave her. She pointed at both and told me they matched so she wanted us each to have one. I declined telling her that they were gifts from her husband and that she should keep them to which he told me he wanted me to have one. And my heart could have burst. I now wear it along with my wedding band because both are so special and meaningful to me.

We noticed that we have the same skin tone. Though we don't look exactly alike, we have enough similarities that we look like sisters.

I know I mentioned before that we have a brother. Out of respect for him, I will not go into detail as to why he wasn't at the reunion but my family is intermittently in touch with him and he is in Korea. While Eunjin was 9 when our family was split up, so she remembers me and even helped care for me. Our brother was too young to remember but Eunjin wants to explain to him all that has happened when the timing is right. I got to see pictures of him in Eunjin and Jong Wook's wedding album. 

Eunjin had never seen the letters our mother wrote that G.O.A.'L was able to find through Korea Social Service, Inc. I do not feel it would be right to share the details of what happened with our family and how it came to be that I was relinquished for adoption by our mother as it is a sad story and painful for all involved. Plus, none of us will ever know exactly what happened since our mother has passed so long ago. 

It's difficult for me to reconcile that I should have grown up with my Korean family and that we should not have been split up. At the same time, I cannot imagine my life having been different from what it was and how it has turned out. Without all of the events that unfolded, I would not have my adoptive family, my husband, our daughters or my friends. I think that God is able to make good out of loss. 

Instead of focusing on anger, loss, or hurt, I choose to look at all that I have gained in just a matter of a few weeks. My heart is so happy to have met my father, stepmother, sister and brother-in-law. They are all so kind and welcomed me with open hearts. I am so happy that my father found love again and that Eunjin is married to a kind, funny, supportive man. I am thankful that they want to stay in touch and get to know my family. 

It turns out that we have many cousins, even one who lives in Chino Hills, CA! All of the daughters born to my birth father and his siblings have "Eun" in their names which is why my sister is Eunjin and my Korean name is Eunyoung, which they all still call me. Ironically enough, one of Eunjin's English speaking friends nicknamed her "Jamie" before we ever met!

On Sunday morning, I hugged our father and Omma goodbye...quickly so no one would break down. Eunjin and my Hyoungboo kindly drove me to Incheon International Airport where we shared breakfast and said goodbye...for now. They want to visit the States someday and I definitely want to return to Korea. It would give great joy to introduce my family to my Korean family. In the meantime, we are going to keep in touch via KakaoTalk, e-mail and snail mail.

I leave you with pictures that show it better than I can describe...

These racks of drying kids clothing outside of the orphanage I was relinquished at made me sad. The orphanage no longer places children for adoption and instead cares for them until they age out of the system. Not pictured is Hayce, the sweet volunteer who brought me to Hwa orphanage and advocated on my behalf.

Part of the FTH group at the police station after giving DNA samples. Grateful for the police who helped find my birth family.

I love this woman. Roc accompanied the group of us to Korean Social Service, Inc. and she translated my birth mother's handwritten letters. Her mix of pragmatism and humor were exactly what I needed that day. She has an amazing heart.

This is Devin who was my BFS mentor. He played such a huge role in finding my birth family. I will be forever indebted to him. Not just that, but he is also a kind, funny, all-around great guy. If anyone would like to ship some Kraft Mac & Cheese or other American junk food to Korea, I know just the guy who would like it.

Sylvia, my birth father and me. Sylvia had many sleepless nights working on all of the FTH adoptees' cases. This is an amazing woman who tirelessly advocates on behalf of Korean adoptees. She has a heart of gold and I am forever thankful to her.

My k-family!

So glad these two found each other

I never thought I'd see the day that I'd get to meet my birth father...words cannot express the joy

My beautiful sister

My Hyoungboo

He insisted on carrying my heavy, girly luggage...what a guy!

Happiness

My time in Korea was not a vacation. It was much bigger, deeper, emotional, life-changing series of events...

To my adoptive family and family by marriage, thank you for your support. Finding my birth family did not in any way divide my love...only made it grow so bigger.

To my husband, I love you and I couldn't be more blessed to have you as my partner in life and my very best friend. Thank you for all of your support always but especially during this time.

To my daughters, I can't wait to introduce you to more family who will love on you. I hope that you will grow to know your Korean roots and thank you for putting up with Mommy being gone for so long. Love you always!

To every staff and volunteer at G.O.A.'L, THANK YOU for the life-changing work that you do day in and day out. Family and friends, G.O.A.'L operates on little government funding, memberships and donations. A vast chunk of their overall annual budget goes into FTH. Please consider donating any amount to G.O.A.'L here. It would mean the world to me to help them continue this work and be the catalyst for others like me to reunite with their birth families and/or experience their birth country firsthand. Donation link here.

To my new FTH2016 framily. It was a privilege to share in this experience with each of you. You are some of the most incredible people I've ever met. I wish you the very best and hope to keep in touch. BSC2016 Birches!!!

To my Korean family, thank you for opening your hearts and home to me. Thank you for sharing openly with me. Thank you for being you. I love you and look forward to getting to know you more.