Heart & Seoul

I cannot even begin to describe the last few days.

On Wednesday (that's Tuesday to you folks in the States), we learned more about Birth Family Search (BFS) and met individually with our BFS mentors who have been working on our cases. The purpose of these meetings were to provide information of where they were at in our cases and to prepare us for the adoption agency visits slated for the next day.

As I've mentioned in a previous post, I only have 4 pages of adoption paperwork and they explicitly state that there is no known information about my birth parents. That's why I haven't ever entertained the notion of engaging in a BFS. I think I walked into my conversation with my BFS mentor and literally said something to the effect of, "There isn't anything to go on so I'm guessing you didn't find anything new." He responded with an emphatic, "No there isn't much in your paperwork..."

What came next was a complete surprise. That's when he gave me the news that Korean Social Services found a letter handwritten by my birth mother in my file that I never knew existed. Also contained in the letter was the full name and birth date of my birth mother and...of my biological brother!

They wouldn't release the names and dates but they have the information. I nodded my head, asked some questions and walked out of the room.

Several of the other Korean adoptees (aka KADS) on FTH who have become instant framily were sitting outside of the room waiting to speak with their mentors. When they asked how it went, I lost it and started crying. Upon sharing what I'd learned, they started crying too. I was forewarned by G.O.A.'L. staff that this trip is emotionally charged and that, because we can relate to what others around us are going through, it can be a heavy experience.

After so many years believing that there was no record of my birth parents, to learn that my birth mother's name and birth date are known and that I have a biological brother is just an overwhelming thing to wrap my mind around.

Yesterday, our group of 19 split up into smaller groups to travel to our respective agencies. Half of the group were adopted through Holt International. The rest were through Eastern Social Welfare Society and Korean Social Service, Inc. (KSS). I was part of the group of 5 through KSS.

After the hour long bus ride, we arrived at an unassuming part of the city. One of the first things we passed was a big iron gate. The G.O.A.'L. staff member who accompanied us there explained that it was the original gate to the old orphanage that has since been torn down. It was surreal to be standing looking out at an empty field knowing that it was where I lived for a short time in part of the life I don't remember.

Gate from the original KSS orphanage that I was in prior to my adoption. 

From there, we headed into the office building where we were called in one-by-one to meet our case workers and review our files. What came next is something I'll detail more in a future blog post A. because it's past midnight and I need to get up early to travel to Jeonju and B. because I'm still processing it and want to be thoughtful in the way I share.

More to come...