K-Drama

After a near 2 year hiatus, I'm resurrecting my blog. 

So much has happened in the time I haven't been writing. Kyla is now a walking, talking, energetic 2 year old and Shay is now a talented taekwondo fanatic who just started the 1st grade. Oh yeah, and we moved from Nashville to Los Angeles.

I wanted to have an avenue to share with family and friends before and hopefully during my upcoming trip to (drum roll, please)...South Korea! 

As many of you know, I was adopted at age 18 months from South Korea. All of the information about me from the time before is typed onto 4 pages of paper. It's really like reading about someone else's life. It's easy to look at this picture and think, "those poor kids" and then remind myself that the toddler in the middle was me. It's even more striking to me now because Kyla looks a lot like I did in this photo. I cannot imagine how distraught she would be if everyone she knows were to suddenly disappear from her life. 

I'll be one of 20 native Koreans who were adopted internationally and will be going on this trip through Global Overseas Adoptees' Link (G.O.A.'L.). I applied and interviewed for G.O.A.'L.'s annual First Trip Home program back in May.

"Since 2008, Global Overseas Adoptees' Link (G.O.A.'L) has arranged First Trip Home with the aim of reconnecting Korean adoptees with their origins and providing a unique experience for the participants. First Trip Home is intended for adoptees that have never previously returned to Korea and would like to do so in order to reconnect with Korea. Rather than a typical sightseeing tour of Korea, our First Trip Home is focused on helping adoptees reconnect with their origins in a meaningful way." 
(Courtesy GOA'L, https://www.goal.or.kr/content/global-overseas-adoptees-link-first-trip-home-2016)

I discovered the First Trip Home program via an L.A. Mommies Facebook page of all places. Another mom living in the L.A. area shared about it as she went in 2014. She was an open book about her experience which helped inspire me to apply. 

One of the questions during the interview was why I had never gone back to Korea. My answer was that I had always felt so disconnected from there having grown up in Minnesota. I had a good childhood and am close with my family (notice, I simply call them my "family" and not my "adoptive family"). My younger self had zero interest in going to Korea. I simply wanted to "fit in" with my friends. As I've gotten older, my mind opened to it but, until now, it was an expense I couldn't justify amid a bunch of other financial obligations. When I factored in the language and cultural barriers, it seemed more of a logistical pain than it was worth.

Two major things have made me actually want to visit despite previous hesitations. One was becoming a mom to my 2 bi-racial daughters. I want them to be able to connect to the Korean half of their roots should they want to. The other is due to my job. In January of this year, my company launched globally. So many people have joined over the last year who are not U.S. natives, who speak secondary languages and who generally inspire a more globally minded perspective. Both have made me want to think about my own unique background and explore it more.

The other adoptees coming on this trip are from the U.S., Denmark, France and the Netherlands. While we all have different viewpoints on adoption seen through the lenses of our own life experiences, it's is exciting to me to, for the first time, be surrounded by others who share a similar background as me. There are many things that non-adoptees cannot personally relate to. I've largely been on an island in my thoughts about being a Korean adoptee. Not a disadvantaged island, but an island nonetheless.

While I've never been one to dwell on my unanswered questions, they do hit my mind often especially now that I have kids. 

• Why did my birth parents leave me an orphan?
• Was my birth father in the picture?
• Do they regret it?
• Do they ever think about me?
• Have they ever looked for me?
• Are they still alive?
• What do they look like?
• Did they ever have other children?
• If they had other children, were they given up for adoption too?
• Did my birth mother have hyperemesis gravidarum?
• How much of my personality is similar to theirs?
• What about my biological family health history? (y'all, this is a pain to not have)
• Do my daughters have any physical or personality traits from them?
• Is the birth date on my paperwork my actual birth date?
• Was Eun Young Kim actually a name chosen by my birth parent(s) or simply by the Korean "system?"

These questions are just the tip of the proverbial iceberg.

G.O.A.'L. does birth family search (BFS) and even seeks to partner with Korean media to get adoptee stories out to the nation to assist in this effort. I honestly have never entertained the notion of the possibility of a birth family reunion as it has seemed near impossible based on the lack of information about me. I'm going on this trip with no expectation of a reunion. It would truly be mind blowing to me if any birth family were found.

I'm really more excited to see where I come from, connect with other adoptees and just have an incredible life experience. We'll get to see Seoul and Jeonju, take language and cooking classes, meet with the adoption agencies (Korean Social Services in my case) and, in addition to group meals and activities, I'll have a personalized itinerary based on my adoption profile (perhaps going to the Kyŏnggi-do region where I was supposedly born).

Special shout out to Jeff for being so incredibly supportive. Even though he'll be solo with the girls for 3 weeks (2 while I'm in Korea and 1 while I'll be in Japan for work immediately after), he has been a rock star with encouraging me to apply and granting me comfort in knowing he'll be taking great care of our girls. 

I've been forewarned that this can be an emotionally taxing trip. It can bring up feelings I've never felt before having never been to Korea or exploring my past in the same manner. It can be tough to see those around me going through experiences I can relate to in a way many others cannot. So, while I plan on using this blog as a means of sharing pictures and updating y'all, I also caveat this with knowing that I may not feel up to it and instead, want to stay in the moment and experience everything.

More to (likely) come!