What is Real?

I really hope that I will be able to relate to Jeff’s and my future adopted child well having been adopted myself.  Some situations are unique to adopted children and, while our child will have a different journey than I had, I hope that empathy and encouragement from a mom who knows what it’s like to have been adopted will help our child to face whatever issues may arise for him/her as an adoptee.

One of the issues I had while growing up was when other kids would tease me for being adopted and/or tell me that my parents were not my “real” parents.   I remember one time, another kid told me that my parents “bought” me.

Blatant teasing aside, it was tough for me when people would ask me if I ever wanted to search for my “real” parents.  As an adult, I now understand that this was not out of a desire to wound, but just a genuine curiosity and perhaps a bit of ignorance.  However, to my 5 year old self, this just hurt.  I hated having to defend my adoptive family, better known to me as simply “my family,” as being my “real” family.

According to http://dictionary.reference.com, “real” is defined as:

Re·al1  /ˈri əl, ril/ Show Spelled [ree-uh l, reel]

adjective 

1. true; not merely ostensible, nominal, or apparent: the real reason for an act. 

2. existing or occurring as fact; actual rather than imaginary, ideal, or fictitious: a story taken from real life. 

3. being an actual thing; having objective existence; not imaginary: The events you will see in the film are real and not just made up. 

4. being actually such; not merely so-called: a real victory. 

5. genuine; not counterfeit, artificial, or imitation; authentic: a real antique; a real diamond; real silk.

Some people believe that “real family” is limited only to those with a biological or legal ties.  I do not.  Perhaps this is because I was adopted.   Perhaps it’s because I have seen so many marriages fall apart or those who are legally defined as “family” treat each other with such hatred that I would not consider them family at heart.  Or perhaps it is because I have seen those with no legal ties whatsoever have relationships filled with so much love that they couldn’t be anything but family.

Let me tell you my personal definition of “real family.” 

It is comprised of those who choose to love each other unconditionally.  It is made up of people who can laugh with each other, share each other’s joys, carry each other’s burdens, fight, forgive, agree to disagree, look out for each other, encourage each other, share confidences, accept differences, and a litany of other descriptors of how people choose to love each other for the long haul regardless of how they come together. 

That folks, is REAL.