Home Study, Part 2

Yesterday was our individual interview portion of the home study program. This was the part of the home study process that made me the most nervous for two main reasons. The first was just not knowing what kinds of questions to expect. The second was that we could not bring Shay with us. Typically, Jeff’s folks watch her on the rare occasions when we need a sitter and when they’re in town but they are away in New Mexico until sometime in January. Jeff’s sister is on a Christmas concert tour in Denmark. So that left us with the need to find alternative childcare, something that I’m glad we ended up doing. We talked with a couple of different childcare centers in our area as well as Paulette, a woman who runs a daycare out of her home who came on recommendation from a friend/co-worker. Jeff took Shay to visit a couple of them and Shay ended up going to Paulette’s house for the time we were at our adoption agency. She did really well and was happily munching on some Cheetos when we arrived to pick her up. It’s good to know that we have another avenue for childcare should we need it and that Shay is okay with Mommy and Daddy leaving her for a while. She is really growing up so fast!

Back to the adoption news. From what we can tell, the individual interviews went well. We both sat with our adoption counselor and filled out some additional paperwork. We were not allowed to talk with each other or look over each other’s answers during that time. After, our counselor interviewed Jeff alone for a little over an hour and then interviewed me alone for about an hour and half (which probably would have been shorter, but we kept laughing and getting a little off topic). I really like that our adoption counselor is very relatable and down-to-earth about things. She’s been great to work with thus far. Though this process has been taking a lot of time, so far things have really gone smoothly.

Our next step is to meet on Dec. 20th to go over our service plan. We will need to be researching and praying about several things including the following questions:

1.  What type of adoption do we want?

Open Adoption – This is an adoption in which the birth mother/parents maintain a close, open relationship with the adoptive parent(s). In some cases, both parties form very close friendships/family-type relationships.

Semi-Open Adoption – This type of adoption leaves some lines of communication open (photo/letter/gift exchanges) but typically all parties are on a first name basis (do not exchange last names or addresses). If everyone wants to meet face-to-face, they can do so at a neutral location, typically the adoption agency office. This way, there is some privacy maintained but it does allow for contact as often as both parties feel comfortable.

Closed Adoption – This is when there is no contact between the birth mother/parents and the adoptive parent(s). Either or both parties may choose this type of adoption for a multitude of reasons. Sometimes a birth mother/parents may feel that it would be too painful to be in touch with their birth child. Sometimes adoptive families want to maintain their privacy.

2.  What gender would we want?

3.  What race(s) are we open to?

4.  Are we willing to adopt a child with any physical and/or mental disabilities? If so, which ones, how severe, etc?

5.  Are we willing to adopt a child whose birth mother smoked, drank or did drugs at any time throughout pregnancy?

There are cases in which a birth mother drank moderately to heavily throughout her entire pregnancy and the child is born without any signs of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and other cases in which a birth mother only occasionally drank and stopped after she discovered she was pregnant and the baby is born with definitive symptoms of F.A.S.

6. Would we adopt a child who has no known birth parent history?

For example, Tennessee law allows mothers to drop off an unharmed, newborn baby up to 72 hours old at a hospital or other pre-determined "safe haven," no questions asked.

7. Are we willing to travel out of state?

Each state has different rules regarding termination of birth parent(s) legal rights. Some have longer revocation periods than others, some have none at all. For example, in the state of Tennessee, the birth mother/parent(s) have 10 days after the birth of the child to change their minds about placing their child for adoption. The state of Mississippi has no revocation period once the papers have been signed terminating parental rights. In contrast, the state of California has a 6 month revocation period.

These are all questions that we need to seriously consider and be in agreement about. If you think of it, please pray for wisdom in the coming weeks for us over these questions.