Paper Pregnant

Pregnancy is a 9+ month wait and, in my case, filled with vomiting, excitement, vomiting, preparation, vomiting, baby classes, vomiting...

You get the point. Domestic adoption is a very different journey, yet has some similarities. Basically replace the vomiting with paperwork and plan for a longer wait time. I’ve heard it referred to as a “paper pregnancy.” I guess you can officially call us “paper pregnant” now! We just finished the last of our initial adoption forms last night and are going to turn in the pile tomorrow morning.

We still have 3 ½ study sessions to go (you must complete 4 of 8 prior to starting the official home study process). These have been interesting because, while most of the material boils down to common-sense, to someone who has never really considered the daily implications of adoption, it provides some great food for thought. It’s funny to me to be reading the adoption study books as an Asian international adoptee in the midst of a U.S. domestic adoption as one half of a mixed-race couple.

Next up: Home Study! Here’s hoping that this process is smooth sailing and we have an approved home study by the end of the year. Then we anticipate 2013 as a “wait year."

In the meantime, we’ve been enjoying some of these cooler temperatures. While the hideous Tennessee summer heat and humidity are grasping for life here and there, it’s finally starting to feel a little like fall. We had an absolutely beautiful past weekend here. And yes, I just realized I am writing about the weather. This officially makes me an old fart.

I better post some pictures before I write any more about the weather.

Shay being a little imp during her Daddy's birthday lunch

 Helping Mommy pick apples at Bottom View Farm

1/2 bushel of freshly picked apples

Tire Horse!

Polishing off a giant root beer float

 

Running on a giant jumping pillow

One of my favorite shots

Wait, I love this one too!

 

 Feeding the ducks and geese at my favorite spot in Hendersonville

 Checking out a water fountain in downtown Nashville

Taking Our Time

How's the adoption going?  It's a question I get a lot so I figured I'd give a short update:

We're going really slowly on it.  Right now we're still going through our initial paperwork and running the errands here and there to get everything we need.  We're also having to do 4 out of 8 study sessions before we can start the home study process.  As soon as we turn in our paperwork and complete 4 sessions, we'll need to pay $2,000 up front.  Then, once the home study is underway, we'll have another $3,000 fee. 

Both Jeff & I have not been feeling up to going through paperwork at night the last few weeks due to not feeling well physically or just having long days. I'm hoping that we'll pull all of the paperwork together in the next couple of  weeks and have our homestudy done by the end of the year.  Then 2013 will begin our waiting period.

We have gotten other progress done in preparing for Baby #2.  The nursery is completely set up.  We have the crib, the changing table and the swing all assembled again and arranged in the new nursery/old guest bedroom.  Shay likes to climb into the crib, hold one side and jump on the mattress like a trampoline.  However, she hasn't figured out how to climb back out of it again.  We often hear, "I'm stuck!" coming from the nursery and we have to go and "rescue" our little princess. 

We're celebrating Jeff's 42nd birthday on Sun.  His birthday is actually on Mon. Sept. 10th but I have to work that day...222 episodes of the latest series I'm working on have to be delivered for air by the 21st.  We're planning on a trip to church, followed by some apple picking at an orchard in Sumner County followed by a nice leisurely lunch out.  Topping it all off with Jeff's favorite - a Dairy Queen ice cream cake.  Yes, I know.  Gotta watch us Burton's and our wild birthday parties ;)

Hoop Jumping

Let me preface this post by saying that I wholeheartedly believe that adoptive families should be carefully evaluated to ensure that the precious little ones who are awaiting adoption will be brought into loving, safe, stable homes.

That said, I do think that the amount of scrutiny and hoops to jump through are a bit overkill.  I had a couple of days off of work last week and we started checking things off of the adoption to-do list.  On one of the days we both had physicals (including full panel blood work, STD screening, urine analysis and tuberculosis tests) and had our FBI fingerprinting taken.  We had to go back to the doctor the 2nd day and, after a very long wait with an antsy toddler, got the results of our TB tests (negative).  We have yet to go to our local police station to have our information sent to the adoption agency, have a physical done for Shay and get our cat a vaccination update.  That's without really even touching any of the actual paperwork which is substantial.

Surprisingly, the thing that bothers me more is not really the hoop jumping, but the fact the state, actually the United States government at large, will so often allow unfit biological parents to "raise" their children.  While I believe the vast majority of people do the best job they can at raising their kids and want the very best for them, there are also a lot of deadbeat parents out there with innocent kids who are growing up in deplorable conditions. 

Obviously, Child Protective Services works to remove these children from bad living situations but oftentimes, biological parents are given custody again and the very behaviors that resulted in their child(ren) being taken away in the first place repeat themselves.  Am I saying that a person absolutely cannot change and become a good parent?  No, that's not what I'm saying at all.  However, sadly there are still so many who slip through the cracks.  I believe that these biological parents should have to go through just as much as adoptive parents go through during a home study in order to be deemed fit to raise their kids if there is a violation bad enough to have had the kids removed from their care (or lack thereof) in the first place. 

Pomp & Circumstance

Nothing really new to report on the adoption process.  Our stack of paperwork is still sitting in our living room waiting to be addressed along with some online training sessions.  Life & my work have stopped us from taking the time to really focus on the next steps for adoption for the time being.

With Jeff's successful surgery on the 2nd, he is through the hardest part of his recovery.  It's still going to take at least a couple of months before his knee is projected to be fully healed but his doctor was pleased with the way it is healing thus far.  I keep wanting to call his doctor "Tony Stark" but it is, in fact, Christopher Stark.  And he does faintly resemble Robert Downey, Jr.  Considering that Iron Man is completely fictional, I'd say what Christopher Stark does on a regular basis via operating on real life people's bodies to give them a better quality of life is truly heroic.

In the meantime, we're just waiting for a very important, long-time-coming piece of paper in the mail...Jeff's college diploma!  He wrapped up his final class with Middle Tennessee State University with an "A."  He opted not to walk in a graduation ceremony (or hobble as would have been the case), but the accomplishment is what matters most.  So please join me in wishing Jeff a big "Congrats!"  He's earned it.

Goodbye Aslan

I'll update some more on the adoption later, but for now, we have placed our mini mountain of adoption paperwork and study books atop our living room armoire to take care of when we have more time to really focus on it.

Jeff is finishing up his last semester of school and has his ACL surgery coming up next week.  Work has been insane for me trying to get 2 acquired series to air.

Sadly, we had to put our dog, Aslan, to sleep on Monday afternoon after he was at the vet for 5 days due to kidney failure.  It was just too much and he wasn't able to bounce back.  We dropped Shay off at her Mimi and Papa's house and Jeff and I met at the vet to say a tear-filled goodbye to Aslan.  He was the sweetest dog.  So gentle-spirited and patient with Shay. She says, "Azzy, fun.  Azzy, gone.  Azzy hiding" every once in a while.  Thankfully she's too young to really be upset or understand.

In honor of Azzy, here are some pictures...

Aslan and his favorite buddy "Sonic"

We are thankful for the time we had with our good boy.  I'll leave you with some videos.  Aslan was there (and the cause of) some of Shay's first giggles...



Nursery

We have our first meeting with our case worker set up for July 20th!  We're meeting to go over any questions we have and get our home study paperwork.

In the meantime, we're moving furniture all over our house to make way for the results of my trip to Ashley Furniture Homestore last week.  Behold Shay's new "big girl" furniture (that we hope will last her until she's off to college):

Trundle Bed...we thought this would be good for when she falls out of bed, as surely any child of Jeff's and mine will do as we both fell out of bed a lot as kids.  Also great for when she's older and has sleep-overs!

Dresser & Mirror (this is really cool because there are about 10 different color panels in the top drawers so Shay will be able to change out the colors as she grows up and decorates her room)

Matching Chest (also has customizable color panel) 

Ruffle Comforter (love the texture!)

I posted our queen bedroom furniture set (headboard, frame, mattress, boxspring, dresser and mirror) on Craigslist today and it was sold within 10 minutes with multiple people inquiring about it!  Wow, note to self: use Craigslist more often!

This all means that, once Shay's new furniture is delivered, we can start putting together the nursery for baby #2!  I know it might be jumping the gun a bit, but we figured that it wouldn't hurt when our case worker visits our home to see that we are all set up and ready.  We're going to move Shay's current baby furniture into the guest room.

So anyone who plans to visit Casa de Burton will no longer have a queen size guest bed to sleep in but take heart...Shay says she'll share her trundle!

Waiting...

The adoption process involves a lot of waiting.  Which is fine, because I knew that would be the case long before we ever submitted an application or attended an informational meeting.  At this point, we are waiting for our case worker to contact us to begin the interview and home study process.  I'm told this will likely happen at the end of next week.

I'll be transparent.  The home study sort of freaks me out.  We're putting ourselves, our daughter, our home, our finances, our marriage, our parenting philosophies (basically, our lives) under the microscope to be examined by someone who we've never met.  Someone who will make the judgement of whether or not we are deemed fit to be adoptive parents.  We are willing to make our lives an open book.  We have nothing to hide and everything to gain.  It's still a little nerve-wrecking to me. 

Jeff, on the other hand, is totally calm and confident about our home study.  He's more worried about the what-if's further down the road.  Most especially, receiving placement and falling in love with a baby, only to have the mother change her mind (which she can legally do within 10 days of birth). 

In the meantime, we have plenty of other things to focus on while we're in one of many waiting phases of the adoption process...

Case in point, last Saturday night, Jeff proved that white men CAN jump.  And subsequently land funny, tearing their ACL's and creating cartilage damage in their knees! 

Jeff managed to perform said feat while playing a couple of games of basketball with the neighbors.  On Wednesday he went to see the surgeon who repaired his torn achilles tendon several years back who confirmed that he completely tore his ACL this time (Jeff informed me that he had torn his ACLU - to which I laughed at him).  He has 2 options.  One is to let it heal on its own but that he will not be able to play sports and has a high risk of suffering from arthritis later in life.  The other is to have surgery and get it completely fixed.  We're opting for the latter.  Thankfully, Jeff's folks will be able to help out post-surgery while I'm at work since he'll need to be off his feet for 10 days. 

Oh, and one more random update.  Last night Shay said her 1st sentence!  She was sitting on the potty and our cat wandered into the bathroom.  Shay proclaimed, "Go away cat!"  Haha, I have to remember to record that one in her memory book.

Have a great weekend everyone!