A Different Perspective on Mother's Day

Mother's Day is beautiful for me this year.  I am lucky to be the mother of an amazing, sweet, funny, beautiful, smart little 3 year old girl who is happy & healthy.  I get to share Mother's Day with my loving husband and incredible daddy to our daughter.  Both Jeff & I have our own mothers and even each have a grandmother this side of heaven to be thankful for.

I don't really know if they celebrate a comparable holiday to Mother's Day in South Korea.  It is still a very strange thought to me that there are people somewhere in the world who have a beautiful granddaughter in Shay and don't even know it.  A piece of me grieves this thought.

The fact that we are in the adoption process makes me think about how bittersweet Mother's Day must be for all of the birthmothers who have so bravely chosen adoption for their kids. To the birthmother of our potential adopted child, words cannot express the depth of our gratitude to you for chosing life, for making such a huge sacrifice out of the deepest love. If we meet and are able to build a relationship, I look forward to honoring you each Mother's Day.

This Mother's Day I take pause to think about everyone else who finds this day difficult.

As I mentioned above, Jeff and I both have our mothers to talk with, spend time with, share laughter with, etc. I do not think that losing a parent would ever be easy no matter how old they are. And so I think about all of those who do not have their mothers to spend time with or send a gift to on this day.

The women who cannot conceive, who wonder if they'll ever become mothers.  I've spent a few Mother's Days in the past wondering the very same thing, hoping against hope.  We were told last year that we had less than a 1% chance of conceiving.  Even now, even after having had a biological child, even after a hellish pregnancy, even amidst a potential adoption that I am so excited about, a piece of me holds onto a little bit of disappointment that we still face infertility.  My heart goes out to all of those struggling with the heartbreak of infertility.

I have a friend who is anxiously waiting to be able to travel to South Korea to pick up her adopted son after several heart-wrenching failed adoptions and infertility.  I know she feels so much longing in her heart to be united with this precious little boy, especially on this day.  I think about all those who are separated from their children right now.

One of my co-workers lost his wife during the birth of their first and only child.  I think about all of the dads who face this day without the mothers of their children and of the men who lost their wives before they got the chance to become the mothers of their children.

I think about the child whose mother left for whatever reason who misses her every day but on this day in particular.  I think about those estranged from their mothers, separated by the many heartbreaks of the world.

I think about the mother whose child is terminally ill.  The mother who has lost her child or miscarried.  I think about those who almost became mothers only to see that dream shattered.

I do not mean to be depressing.  I just felt the need to remember, think of and pray for those who are lonely, hurt or grieving on this day.  One of the best things I can do is to not take what I have for granted.  If you are a mother, hold your child(ren) close and love on them.  If you have a mother, let her know how much you love her if you are able to.  Take time to encourage someone who may need the extra encouragement today. 

No News

I realized that I haven't blogged in a little over a month.  This certainly doesn't mean that there hasn't been a lot of life happening but we've been at a standstill with the adoption process so I haven't had anything new to report on that front. 

We were relieved at the completion of all of our home study paperwork, interviews, etc. that we figured it'd be so nice to just get to the waiting period.  And we still do.  However, enough time has passed now that the questions are starting to pop up.  

Has our profile has been shown?  
How long until we get "the call?"  
We will get "the call?" 
How long are we willing to wait?

It is weird to go into our fully supplied and decorated nursery not knowing if or when we'll have an infant son or daughter to occupy it.  In fact, I try not to go in there too often.  I'm sure the questions, uncertainty and doubts are no different than those of any others going through the adoption waiting process.  

As of right now, 2 years of waiting seems to be our threshold.  If we get placement within that time period, we'll be extremely happy.  If we don't get placement, I cannot say that I won't be at all disappointed but the way we are choosing to look at it is that we will still get the joy of raising Shay, can put all of our resources toward her and will consider the money we've put in thus far a means of helping to fund the work our agency does to support birth-mothers.  

School Orientation

Tuesday night was the parent orientation at the school that Shay will be attending beginning in August. 

The principal gave an introduction and overview of the school, its philosophies, some policies and what to expect for the parents.  The president of the PTO gave a pitch about involvement with the organization and how it benefits both the school and famillies (which are required to donate a minimum of 35 volunteer hours per year).  Then we went to a couple of teachers’ classrooms for a tour and description of the activities that take place on a typical day. 

This was extremely helpful in helping us to have a good idea of the things that Shay will need to be prepared for.  The kids are expected to be potty trained and be able to undress and dress themselves.  While Shay is potty trained, she still needs some help getting a “clean sweep” and in putting her clothes back on.  She’s good with pulling up her pants but gets frustrated if she can’t easily get a shirt on over her head and her arms in the sleeves.  Same thing goes for zippers that don’t easily pull up.  She hasn’t ever tackled the tricky world of buttons.  Since the kiddos are required to wear uniforms (black, navy or khaki pants, shorts, skirts or jumpers and solid colored shirts with collars), she will need to be able to master these skills.

Her school teaches based on the philosophies developed by Maria Montessori.  Having been raised in a very good public school system in Minnesota, I had never heard the term “Montessori” before and had no idea what a “Montessori” or a “Magnet” school was.  There is a really good FAQ’s page from The Montessori Foundation.  While Montessori learning will not work for every child, we think that Shay will thrive in this sort of environment over traditional schooling.  Montessori has a strong focus on instilling a love of learning into children and is very hands-on, teaching a lot of independence while fostering grace & peace.  Shay takes a lot of joy in being able to do things independently and loves to learn so we really hope that she will enjoy school.

She will go half days on the first week of school and then be full-time, 5 days a week from 8am-3pm.  For the 3 & 4 year olds, the morning is filled with work/play but the state mandates that they must nap for a good portion of the afternoon.  Kindermat supplier recommendations anyone?  After the first week or two, we will also need to be able to drop her off from the car and she will need to walk up to the school door by herself (within site & help of school administrators/teachers of course).  All of these little steps to independence are exciting but I’m not sure I’m ready for it!  The school has a “Boo Hoo Party” for parents after the kids get into their classrooms on the first day!

Shay's 3rd Birthday Party

Finally getting around to posting some pictures of Shay's birthday party.  Better late than never I suppose.

My camera died toward the beginning of the party even though it said the battery was fully charged before we left.  Thankfully, Jeff's mom had her camera on hand and I was able to get those files in addition to the ones I shot on my iPhone.  

We had Shay's party at Hoppity Hop in Hendersonville.  I would highly recommend hosting kids' parties at a location with activities for the kiddos.  Instead of running around like mad trying to clean house, buy and prepare all of the food, buy and put up decorations, etc., we are able to relax and actually just enjoy being with Shay, family & friends during her party.  Plus the kids had a blast.  Hoppity Hop has a private jump room filled with big inflatable slides and play houses for each party as well as use of the party room.  They provided all of the food & drinks, minus the cake, as well as tablecloths, plates, cups, utensils, etc. and did the set up and clean up after.  

We are thankful for everyone who came out to celebrate our little girl and for those who were thinking of her on her birthday.  Here are some pics of the fun:

 Shay's party room

  Giant slide and pirate bounce

 Climbing...

 I love this picture - pure joy on her face!

Big Shay & her cutie Liam

 I think Seth may have been having more fun than Sophia!

 Liesl, Londyn & Shay

 Shay's much requested Very Hunger Caterpillar cake

 First time truly blowing out a candle

Hoppity Hop party room

Sophia & Shay 

We met Sophia's parents at Lamaze classes - the girls are exactly 1 month apart.

 Anai & Aidan helping Shay open her gifts

 Gift opening frenzy

 These chocolate bars along with bouncy play balls for the kids were the party favors inspired by The Very Hungry Caterpillar book.

How's the Adoption Going?

"How's the adoption going?"

This is a question I'm frequently asked so I figured I'd address it here.  The answer has pretty much stayed the same since we first got approval on our home study:  we're just waiting.  

With domestic infant adoptions, the birthparent(s) chooses the adoptive family so there really won't be any forward movement until we get a phone call from our case worker informing us that someone would like to meet us.  We are fully prepared to be in the waiting period for awhile since our agency's average wait time is a little over a year.  Currently, there are 32 waiting families with our agency.  I met one couple who has been waiting for 4 years.  It could be that this couple is extremely specific as to what kind of child they would adopt (specified gender, race, health, family medical history, openness, etc.).  The more that you are open to, the more likely you'll get faster placement.  Or it could just be a bigger picture timing issue.

Whatever the case may be for them, this got us to talking a lot about how long we are willing to wait.  We're definitely in it for a year at which point we would need to renew our home study.  This doesn't involve nearly the time or expense that the initial home study required but we would have a fee involved.  At this point, we'll re-assess where we're at after the 1 year mark.  We definitely do not want to wait past 2 years.  If we have not gotten placement by then, we will stop the process and focus solely on Shay. We do not want to be in a constant state of uncertainty for too long.  So we're just taking it one day at a time and trusting that God has the perfect timing & plan.

The great news is that we are truly happy either way.  While having another child would be amazing, being able to put all of our time and resources into Shay would be a different kind of amazing too.    

3 Years Old

Today is our little girl's 3rd birthday.  Wow, does the time fly!  I don't have any poignant words, hilarious anecdotes or deep, insightful thoughts to share.  Just heartfelt thanks for having this amazing gift from God in my life who brings more joy than words could ever convey.  Love beyond what I ever thought I could feel for this little person who is growing up before my eyes. 

This morning we took Shay in for her 3 year well child visit to the pediatrician.  She is doing so well at all of her developmental milestones and is, as the doctor said, "Perfect, healthy, smart & beautiful!"  She appears to have 20/20 vision (a miracle considering Jeff & I both have terrible vision) and she did well with her hearing test, something they say they typically cannot get 3 year olds to cooperate with.  Shay measured in at 3 ft., 3 in. tall and 31 lbs.  This puts her in the 90th percentile for height, 50th percentile for weight and 10th percentile for BMI (yes, I'm envious of her tall, skinny stats). 

Here is a pic of my little goofball at the pediatrician's office:

I'll post another blog and photos of Shay's birthday party after tomorrow.  Stay tuned.  And happy birthday sweet girl - Mommy & Daddy love you so much!

Sea Starlet

Today was Shay’s 4th swimming lesson. Judging by the way she started crying and generally freaking out as soon as Jeff got her swimsuit out this morning, we both figured it was going to be another tear-filled lesson. Before leaving for work, I gave Shay our customary goodbye hug & kiss and told her to be a brave girl and to not cry during her swimming lesson. Our little girl surprised us and Jeff called me at work this morning to proudly inform me that she did great! She didn’t cry or try to climb out of the pool and she did all of the things that the instructor said to including floating on her back and jumping in by herself. One little boy started to cry and Shay even tried to encourage him telling him that, “It’s okay.” After the lesson, she declared, “Swimming’s fun!"

The instructor even talked to Jeff about trying to switch her to one-on-one lessons on Thursdays instead because she has already learned as much as she was going to get out of her current Tuesday class. She said that Shay is very strong for her age as she can climb out of the pool by herself. I’m not sure how she’ll do without Jeff in the pool with her but he can be in the seating area inside so she’ll have sight of him the whole time.

It’s crazy how fast she’s growing up and how her personality is developing more every day. She constantly amazes (and humors) us with the things she says and does. It’s hard to even believe that she was once this little smile-less baby who cried most of the time she was awake. She’s such a sweet, fun little girl now. I think 3 is going to be the best age yet!