Korea in Photos: Culture

I think there really is something to the "a picture is worth a thousand words" sentiment. I can't think of a better way to show you a small glimpse into the incredible First Trip Home 2016 experience than through photos. True to the mission of the FTH program to "help adoptees reconnect with their origins in a meaningful way," G.O.A.'L arranged many amazing opportunities for all of us Korean adoptees (KADS) to better connect to our motherland.

Fri., Sept. 2nd | Group Sightseeing in Namsan

Seoul Tower off in the distance

View of Seoul from the Seoul Tower Plaza

Another view of Seoul from the Seoul Tower Plaza

Yet another view of Seoul from the Seoul Tower Plaza

Locks of Love at the Seoul Tower Plaza...walkways are lined with walls of these locks that people write messages on

The obligatory shot of yours truly at a tourist location

Dance and drum performance

Cultural performance

Cultural weapons performance

Sat., Sept. 3rd | Group Sightseeing in Jeonju

Driving by the Han River as we were leaving Seoul

Random scenery on the 4 hour bus ride to Jeonju

Jeonju traditional hanok village sign

Hanbok Experience: Koreans and tourists alike go to the hanok village in Jeonju to wear their own or rent traditional hanboks. G.O.A.'L arranged for all of us FTH attendees to get dolled up. 

Hanbok Experience: FTH guys

Hanbok Experience: FTH ladies

Hanbok Experience: FTH 2016 group photo

Jeonju nightlife

Sun., Sept. 4th | Group Sightseeing in Buyeo
We took the afternoon to explore the Baekje Historical Museum. The photos below show some of the museum exhibits and the large grounds that you could walk around.

The beautiful, ornate painting style that adorns temples and traditional buildings all around Korea

Tightrope performance

Tues., Sept. 6th - Thurs. Sept. 9th | Shopping
There are so many different shopping districts around Seoul. Each has its own unique vibe. The photos below are snapshots I took when in Namdaemun, a traditional Korean market. One of the buildings contained vendor stalls filled with colorful hanboks, beautiful quilts and the traditional pearl inlay handcrafted items. Not pictured are images from Myeong-dong, a touristy shopping area filled with both chain stores and local vendors. We also shopped at nearby Insa-dong, a more traditional shopping area filled with goods and galleries. 

Namdaemun market entrance

Vegetable market vendor

Hanboks for days

I loved looking at the different colors and styles of hanboks

Wed., Sept. 8th | Korean Baseball Game

Korean baseball games are not like your typical American MLB game. While there are loudly cheering people, beer and food, Korean style baseball games include a lot more crowd interaction, singing and dancing. The energy is like a concert paired with a ball game. 

 Never knew that the majority of the Korean baseball teams riff off of American MLB team names. Funny enough, this game was against the Twins (my Minnesotan friends will get the irony of this)

 People eating food with chop sticks at a baseball game was a new one for me

Not pictured: 

We attended a NANTA show at the Hongdae Theatre, Noraebang (Korea's version of karaoke), etc.

Every Day | KakaoTalk

KakaoTalk is the app that is widely used in Korea. Our FTH attendees, and G.O.A.'L staff/volunteers used KakaoTalk every day. It's actually pretty great. I have never seen people use emojis so much in my life. There are some main characters associated with KakaoTalk. They are so popular that they have stores featuring products with them. 

Kakao friends

So, this is supposed to be a peach. His/her name is actually Apeach. This is supposed to be the back of Apeache's head. I'm convinced it's something else but I'll let you decide. 

Because I can't end this blog post with a picture of the backside of a questionable peach, I'll wrap by saying that, for the first time in my life, I felt a sense of pride for being Korean and having Korea as my "motherland."

Baring My Seoul

Yes, by now you should see a trend that I'm using the cheesy "Seoul" sayings in my blog post titles. And you know what? I'm not going to stop.

So, to pick up where I left off, when I met with my Korean Social Service, Inc. (KSS) case worker, she opened our conversation with stating that she had made copies of the, not one, but two letters my birth mother had hand-written and left when she dropped me off at the orphanage. Again, a surprise because I had just learned the day before that there was a very short note in my file, not two letters.

I understand that there are Korean adoption privacy laws that prevent KSS from disclosing my birth mother's full name and birth date along with my brother's. However, the more I think about it, the more annoyed I become that they didn't include at least the rest of the content along with my adoption paperwork. All this time, these letters existed that piece together some of the answers to some of the questions I've carried for so long.

My case worker whited out the names but left the birth years. My birth mother was born in 1949 and my brother was born two years earlier than me in 1980.

I've thought a lot in the past couple of days about how much I would share of these letters. I am still processing my birth mother's words written during an extremely difficult time in her life. Out of respect for her, I will not share all of their content. Here is a small piece that I cropped out of the larger letter. It is hard to describe the feeling I have just seeing her handwriting, rushed though it was.

There is a major discrepancy between the two letters. In one she references only dropping me off and surrendering me for adoption. In the other, more hastily written just outside of the orphanage, she wrote about surrendering both my brother and me.

The main points of the letters are that she and my birth father separated. She tried hard to take care of both my brother and me on her own but wasn't able to find work and an affordable place to stay with the two of us. We lived in a car for a short time. She felt terrible about leaving us but didn't think she had a choice.

It gives me some answers but opened up many more. Something that I'm observing within myself is that, prior to this trip and most of my life, my questions about my adoption were very inwardly focused and centered around how things affected me. Now, I've shifted to a more outward focus with questions now about both my birth mother and brother.

• Are they both alive?
• Are they both okay?
• Did they stay together?
• Why did my birth mother separate from my birth father?
• Does he know what happened to everyone?
• Did my brother end up in an orphanage and get adopted somewhere?
• Does he remember having a younger sister?
• Is anyone searching for anyone else?
• Etc...

So, where do I go from here?

G.O.A.'L. should hear back from the police agency working on locating my birth mother and brother tomorrow or the following day detailing the results of their search. If nothing is discovered, the police search will conclude. 

In the meantime, I'm traveling to the Kyŏnggi-do area tomorrow where the orphanage is that I was left at prior to being transferred to KSS. Though I'll speak with someone who works there to see if there is any additional information about my case, I'm fully expecting that there won't be anything new to go on. Instead it will be more about making an emotional connection being in the area where I was presumed to be born. On Tuesday or Wednesday, I will go with the group to the police station to do a DNA test to see if there are any matches against the DNA of folks in their database. 

I have the feeling that it will be an emotionally charged next few days as the other KADS will be experiencing their individual itineraries and uncovering the next pieces of their stories. 

What a journey it has been!

Heart & Seoul

I cannot even begin to describe the last few days.

On Wednesday (that's Tuesday to you folks in the States), we learned more about Birth Family Search (BFS) and met individually with our BFS mentors who have been working on our cases. The purpose of these meetings were to provide information of where they were at in our cases and to prepare us for the adoption agency visits slated for the next day.

As I've mentioned in a previous post, I only have 4 pages of adoption paperwork and they explicitly state that there is no known information about my birth parents. That's why I haven't ever entertained the notion of engaging in a BFS. I think I walked into my conversation with my BFS mentor and literally said something to the effect of, "There isn't anything to go on so I'm guessing you didn't find anything new." He responded with an emphatic, "No there isn't much in your paperwork..."

What came next was a complete surprise. That's when he gave me the news that Korean Social Services found a letter handwritten by my birth mother in my file that I never knew existed. Also contained in the letter was the full name and birth date of my birth mother and...of my biological brother!

They wouldn't release the names and dates but they have the information. I nodded my head, asked some questions and walked out of the room.

Several of the other Korean adoptees (aka KADS) on FTH who have become instant framily were sitting outside of the room waiting to speak with their mentors. When they asked how it went, I lost it and started crying. Upon sharing what I'd learned, they started crying too. I was forewarned by G.O.A.'L. staff that this trip is emotionally charged and that, because we can relate to what others around us are going through, it can be a heavy experience.

After so many years believing that there was no record of my birth parents, to learn that my birth mother's name and birth date are known and that I have a biological brother is just an overwhelming thing to wrap my mind around.

Yesterday, our group of 19 split up into smaller groups to travel to our respective agencies. Half of the group were adopted through Holt International. The rest were through Eastern Social Welfare Society and Korean Social Service, Inc. (KSS). I was part of the group of 5 through KSS.

After the hour long bus ride, we arrived at an unassuming part of the city. One of the first things we passed was a big iron gate. The G.O.A.'L. staff member who accompanied us there explained that it was the original gate to the old orphanage that has since been torn down. It was surreal to be standing looking out at an empty field knowing that it was where I lived for a short time in part of the life I don't remember.

Gate from the original KSS orphanage that I was in prior to my adoption. 

From there, we headed into the office building where we were called in one-by-one to meet our case workers and review our files. What came next is something I'll detail more in a future blog post A. because it's past midnight and I need to get up early to travel to Jeonju and B. because I'm still processing it and want to be thoughtful in the way I share.

More to come...

Seoul Searching

I made it to Korea!

The flight from LAX to Incheon was smooth, aside from the elderly Korean woman next to me elbowing me a couple dozen times. Apparently elderly people in Korea can get away with pushing, shoving, etc. so I guess it was just preparation, ha! Otherwise, I slept and streamed an Ed Sheeran concert and a couple of movies.

Korean Air out of LAX

Korean Air blanket, headphones, slippers, toothbrush, toothpaste & water

Airplane bibimbap, bleh

Day One was really just the flight in and then meeting up with several of the G.O.A.'L. volunteers and other Korean adoptees on the First Trip Home. After checking into BOA Travel House, our Korean home away from home in the homeland (got that?), several of us went out for the real deal Korean BBQ.

K-BBQ, beer & soju

Day Two started early with jogging along a stream that feeds into the Han River with a group of 7 of us, me being the most out of shape of all of them, but hey, at least I tried! 

After grabbing some pretty good coffee at one of approximately 1,000,000 coffee shops in Seoul, we gathered as a full group of First Trip Home adoptees and staff where we had an overview of the trip, a basic Korean lesson by one of the women behind the Talk to me in Korean YouTube Channel. We all received the book Hangeul Master - Learn How to Read and Write in Korean. Apparently, it's the book that Conan O'Brien used on his trip to South Korea. Well, if it's good enough for Conan...

After a group lunch, we had an overview of a company that conducts DNA testing followed by a cheek swab and hair pulling sample. This is to ensure if there is a birth parent match, it is a solid one. Already two of the nineteen people are having birth parent reunions. We'll learn more about our individual birth family searches tomorrow. 

Had time to do a bit of shopping and seeing the area we're near. 

Korean won - I feel rich

Down a shopping alley

I've never been in beauty shops that feature all Asian women

Couldn't resist taking a photo of this one after 14 years of living in the South...a Korean Waffle House!

Off to group dinner. More to come!

K-Drama

After a near 2 year hiatus, I'm resurrecting my blog. 

So much has happened in the time I haven't been writing. Kyla is now a walking, talking, energetic 2 year old and Shay is now a talented taekwondo fanatic who just started the 1st grade. Oh yeah, and we moved from Nashville to Los Angeles.

I wanted to have an avenue to share with family and friends before and hopefully during my upcoming trip to (drum roll, please)...South Korea! 

As many of you know, I was adopted at age 18 months from South Korea. All of the information about me from the time before is typed onto 4 pages of paper. It's really like reading about someone else's life. It's easy to look at this picture and think, "those poor kids" and then remind myself that the toddler in the middle was me. It's even more striking to me now because Kyla looks a lot like I did in this photo. I cannot imagine how distraught she would be if everyone she knows were to suddenly disappear from her life. 

I'll be one of 20 native Koreans who were adopted internationally and will be going on this trip through Global Overseas Adoptees' Link (G.O.A.'L.). I applied and interviewed for G.O.A.'L.'s annual First Trip Home program back in May.

"Since 2008, Global Overseas Adoptees' Link (G.O.A.'L) has arranged First Trip Home with the aim of reconnecting Korean adoptees with their origins and providing a unique experience for the participants. First Trip Home is intended for adoptees that have never previously returned to Korea and would like to do so in order to reconnect with Korea. Rather than a typical sightseeing tour of Korea, our First Trip Home is focused on helping adoptees reconnect with their origins in a meaningful way." 
(Courtesy GOA'L, https://www.goal.or.kr/content/global-overseas-adoptees-link-first-trip-home-2016)

I discovered the First Trip Home program via an L.A. Mommies Facebook page of all places. Another mom living in the L.A. area shared about it as she went in 2014. She was an open book about her experience which helped inspire me to apply. 

One of the questions during the interview was why I had never gone back to Korea. My answer was that I had always felt so disconnected from there having grown up in Minnesota. I had a good childhood and am close with my family (notice, I simply call them my "family" and not my "adoptive family"). My younger self had zero interest in going to Korea. I simply wanted to "fit in" with my friends. As I've gotten older, my mind opened to it but, until now, it was an expense I couldn't justify amid a bunch of other financial obligations. When I factored in the language and cultural barriers, it seemed more of a logistical pain than it was worth.

Two major things have made me actually want to visit despite previous hesitations. One was becoming a mom to my 2 bi-racial daughters. I want them to be able to connect to the Korean half of their roots should they want to. The other is due to my job. In January of this year, my company launched globally. So many people have joined over the last year who are not U.S. natives, who speak secondary languages and who generally inspire a more globally minded perspective. Both have made me want to think about my own unique background and explore it more.

The other adoptees coming on this trip are from the U.S., Denmark, France and the Netherlands. While we all have different viewpoints on adoption seen through the lenses of our own life experiences, it's is exciting to me to, for the first time, be surrounded by others who share a similar background as me. There are many things that non-adoptees cannot personally relate to. I've largely been on an island in my thoughts about being a Korean adoptee. Not a disadvantaged island, but an island nonetheless.

While I've never been one to dwell on my unanswered questions, they do hit my mind often especially now that I have kids. 

• Why did my birth parents leave me an orphan?
• Was my birth father in the picture?
• Do they regret it?
• Do they ever think about me?
• Have they ever looked for me?
• Are they still alive?
• What do they look like?
• Did they ever have other children?
• If they had other children, were they given up for adoption too?
• Did my birth mother have hyperemesis gravidarum?
• How much of my personality is similar to theirs?
• What about my biological family health history? (y'all, this is a pain to not have)
• Do my daughters have any physical or personality traits from them?
• Is the birth date on my paperwork my actual birth date?
• Was Eun Young Kim actually a name chosen by my birth parent(s) or simply by the Korean "system?"

These questions are just the tip of the proverbial iceberg.

G.O.A.'L. does birth family search (BFS) and even seeks to partner with Korean media to get adoptee stories out to the nation to assist in this effort. I honestly have never entertained the notion of the possibility of a birth family reunion as it has seemed near impossible based on the lack of information about me. I'm going on this trip with no expectation of a reunion. It would truly be mind blowing to me if any birth family were found.

I'm really more excited to see where I come from, connect with other adoptees and just have an incredible life experience. We'll get to see Seoul and Jeonju, take language and cooking classes, meet with the adoption agencies (Korean Social Services in my case) and, in addition to group meals and activities, I'll have a personalized itinerary based on my adoption profile (perhaps going to the Kyŏnggi-do region where I was supposedly born).

Special shout out to Jeff for being so incredibly supportive. Even though he'll be solo with the girls for 3 weeks (2 while I'm in Korea and 1 while I'll be in Japan for work immediately after), he has been a rock star with encouraging me to apply and granting me comfort in knowing he'll be taking great care of our girls. 

I've been forewarned that this can be an emotionally taxing trip. It can bring up feelings I've never felt before having never been to Korea or exploring my past in the same manner. It can be tough to see those around me going through experiences I can relate to in a way many others cannot. So, while I plan on using this blog as a means of sharing pictures and updating y'all, I also caveat this with knowing that I may not feel up to it and instead, want to stay in the moment and experience everything.

More to (likely) come!