Perspective

Again, it's been awhile since I've posted an update as life has been keeping me rather busy. My dad and his significant other, Maureen, came out to visit over Memorial Day weekend and got to meet Shay in person for the first time. I don't know if I've ever really seen my dad hold a baby so it was really sweet to see him with Shay. Darn, never did get him to change a diaper while he was here (more for my own amusement than anything)! Here are a couple of photos of their visit:
 

Grandpa Dennis holding Shay for the first time

At Jeff's parent's house

The biggest adjustment for our little family has been me returning to work. I started back on June 1st and it has been bittersweet. It was so, so hard to leave Shay that first week and I cried every morning. This week has proven easier because I'm totally more at ease after seeing just how well Jeff did with Shay on his own. Not only is he so patient and loving with her, but he's even taken on more household chores than ever before. He told me he wants me to be able to come home from work and just be able to relax and spend time with our baby. He's even been planning meals, cooking & taken Shay grocery shopping with him on a couple of occasions! Which, incidently, causes the women at the grocery store to flock. Apparently a man with a cute puppy isn't the only thing that causes women to coo...a man grocery shopping with a baby seems to have the same effect!

Not gonna lie...it is sometimes very hard for me to be in a position where I have to be the financial provider, especially now that I feel like I'm going to be missing out on so much with Shay . I've even outright resented it at times. And I'm already experiencing "working mom guilt" which is that nagging bugger that comes along uninvited and tugs at your heart way more often than anyone would like. When I'm at work and any moment that I'm not spending with Shay when I'm not working brings with it a pang of guilt. That's one of the things no one tells you when you get pregnant...how much guilt comes along with becoming a parent!

Why am I choosing to share this brutal honesty? Because "perspective" has become my word of the day. And I hope I can encourage anyone who might be struggling with some of the same feelings with this:

I really can't (and truly don't want to) complain because I know I am so very blessed. When I feel overwhelmed with bearing the weight of being the financial provider and missing out on time with my baby, I just have to focus on how blessed I am to have a good job working with so many good people that affords us to have our home, pay our bills, provides great medical benefits, allows one of us to be at home with Shay instead of having to put her in daycare, etc. I'm so grateful that I know she is at home with her daddy who is taking care of her and raising her the way we both want her to be raised. I give major props to single parents who manage it all. They are to be commended for the amazing amount of hard work that goes into raising and providing for a child on their own. I don't ever want to take for granted that I have a wonderful husband by my side who is my partner in parenting and in life, who loves me, our daughter and, most importantly, God. I am so grateful that Shay is a healthy, beautiful, bright-eyed baby who brings so much joy into our lives. So many people have loved and lost or never loved at all but I get to come home every night to my two favorite people in the world.

No, I cannot complain. My life is so full of blessings. It's more than I deserve.

11 weeks old

Two Months

Nothing prepares you for how difficult it is to see your baby in pain.  It's such a helpless feeling because you can't do much about it and they don't understand why they're hurting so much. 

Shay got her 2 month shots yesterday which required 3 needle sticks, 2 in one thigh and 1 in the other.  When the nurse first poked her, she started crying and by the third stick, her face was beet red and she had her mouth wide open like she was screaming but no sound was coming out.  I felt SO BAD for her!  We got her home, she took a short nap and then it was time to feed her.  Poor baby was so upset she could barely eat because she was crying so hard.  Her leg that had received two shots was red and swollen.   Jeff & I prayed over her and did our best to console her for a couple of hours before she finally drifted off to sleep again.  Thankfully by late evening she seemed a lot better and was even cooing a little.  This morning the redness and swelling was completely gone and she's been happily kicking both legs around like nothing happened.

Jeff handled it really well and, though I knew she'd be okay, I started crying because I so hated seeing her in so much distress.  Jeff & I have supported the work of St. Jude Children's Research Hospital for years now but I definitely have an even greater appreciation for the organization and the families that go there now that I'm a mommy myself.  I cannot imagine what those parents and families go through when their children have horrible diseases that require aggressive treatment. 

On a lighter note on Monday, Jeff & I went out on our first date since Shay was born while her Papa & Mimi (Jeff's parents) babysat.  We went to see the Babies documentary in Green Hills (click on the link to get info. on the film).  It follows 4 babies from birth to one year living in different parts of the world: United States, Japan, Mongolia & Namibia.  So interesting to see how very differently people raise babies in different cultures yet how very similar babies are no matter where they come from.  We were cracking up because at one point, the little Japanese baby was playing with some toys and was getting frusterated and just hurled herself down on the floor and starting pitching a fit, kicking and flailing her arms and legs everywhere.  Jeff & I looked at each other and both said "Shay!"  It is, after all, how she earned her "Bug" nickname, LOL! 

Bugs 'n' Burton's

Whew!  It's been a mere 5 weeks since I last posted anything on here and so much has happened!  Where to begin?  Guess I'll go in order of events...

NICKNAME:
Shay earned herself a nickname.  Her daddy and I were watching her spastically kick & flail her arms and legs during a fussy fit one day.  I commented that she looked like a bug when it gets flipped over on its back and kicks its legs frantically in an effort to turn over.  So we now call her "Shay Bug."  It's caught on...the extended family now calls her that too, hehe!

VISIT FROM GRANDMA:
My mom visited for a week at the beginning of April and was so excited to meet her first granddaughter.  Shay enjoyed all of the extra attention and cuddle time (and when I say "extra" I really mean "constant!").  Her parents enjoyed a few extra hours of sleep while Grandma helped out.  Here are some pics of the visit:

Grandma Pam holding Shay for the very first time

Poopy diaper for Grandma!

 Grandma Pam, Shay & Mommy

Two pretty ladies

PROFESSIONAL PHOTOS:

While my mom was in town, we also took then 3 1/2 week old Shay to get her first professional photos taken.  She did really well and, I have to say, is one photogenic baby!  I'm glad my mom was there to help out...I was too much of a wuss to bring her by myself in case she pitched a major fit.  Here are some of my favorite shots (the tutu is courtesy of our friend Judy who is a multi-talented dancer and seamstress!):

My favorite of the bunch...She's gorgeous.  And yes I am biased but I can't stress enough: She's GORGEOUS!

Reminds me of an Anne Geddes photo

Mommy & Shay Bug...don't really like the shot of myself but other people seem to like this photo so here it is

Ballerina Baby

Cute, cute, cute!

LOVE the look on her face!

NASHVILLE FLOOD:

Like I said above, SO much has happened in the last month not the least of which was what I've heard referred to as the "1,000 Year Flood."  Aptly named because something like this was estimated to occur only once in a 1,000 years.  On Saturday May 1st, Nashville and the surrounding areas flooded after days of nonstop, heavy rainfall.  I have never seen anything like it (and hope I never do again). 

Jeff was out working for Copycats for Kids and my friend Kristen was over at the house hanging with Shay and me when we caught on TV that I-24 was flooded at the Bell Road exit.  There were semi trucks and a lot of cars trapped in the floodwaters and getting tossed around like toys.  For those not familiar with this area, there really isn't a lot of water right in that vicinity.  There is a small creek that flows around there but not right by the interstate itself so we couldn't even fathom where all this water was coming from except the shear amount of rainfall.  Kristen and I watched as a large structure that looked to us like a mobile home (which we later found out was a unit from a local school) was tossed around in the raging water until the roof came off. 

Jeff's parents and sister & her husband all live in Antioch off of that exit but were all thankfully okay and sustained no flood damage.  Jeff's folks got stuck in their subdivision as the road all around them flooded but they were high and dry as their house sits on one of the highest elevations in their neighborhood.  They did end up missing their much anticipated Jimmy Buffet concert that night but it's sort of funny now when everyone realizes just how trivial that is in the grand scheme of things.

Around 9:00pm on Sat. May 1st, our next door neighbor came by and told us that they were evacuating our neighborhood because of oncoming floodwaters.  Jeff and I hadn't been watching the news for a few hours after having watched coverage of the Antioch flooding so we didn't realize our community was at risk at the point.  As our neighbor informed us, police were in our area advising us to evacuate.  There was no water on our street and we sort of brushed it off as people being paranoid. 

However, a couple of hours later, the water slowly started coming down the end of our road.  Our subdivision became a swarm of people outside talking with neighbors, evacuating their homes and generally freaking out.  Our next door neighbors tried to leave in their car but ended up turning around and coming right back because the roads at both entrances to our community were flooded.  They ended up leaving by boat.  We made the decision to stay put as we have a 2 story house (many of those who left have 1 level homes) and figured that even if some water got downstairs, we would be okay.  We proceeded to put Shay to bed and then run around like crazy preparing things just in case.  Jeff moved as much as possible upstairs while I packed bags in case we did need to catch a boat out to the shelter. 

Now, in case you're wondering, the decision to stay was made out of the assessment that the water wasn't coming really quickly and we didn't want to take our 7 week old out in a boat through nasty sewage & gasoline filled floodwater to a shelter with hundreds of people, some of who I'm sure could have passed on some sort of illness.  We were also afraid of running out of formula and diapers for Shay if we had to stay more than a couple of days since we couldn't pack a lot.  Jeff waded through the water and talked to a couple of police officers who were staying all night in boats in our subdivision to get any people out whenever they wanted so we knew we had a "Plan B."  Several of the folks on our street decided to stay as well.  One neighbor, a single woman who lives across from us, asked us to take her cat while she evacuated.  He stayed in our walk-in closet since our cat didn't like him and he didn't like our dog.

Well, we pretty much stayed up most of the night monitoring the flooding and talking with neighbors and police.  By Monday afternoon the water had covered most of our yard and was slowly creeping up to our front & back doors.  We had turtles and minnows swimming around in front of the house, the driveway and the backyard!  The Cumberland River is blocks away from our subdivision and there are multiple ponds around the area which had swelled to the point of flooding into the yards of peoples' homes that border them.  At this point, we were a heartbeat away from flagging down a boat but Jeff went to talk with the police again and one said that they thought the water had stopped rising.  Once he got back, we looked and the water line had stopped literally 1 inch from the cracks of the doors of our house and Jeff's car door in the driveway.  We set a rock out and checked back 15 minutes later and the water had receeded a few inches.  Then it slowly started receeding even more.  Talk about a close call!

Here is a video I took on my cell phone of our street:

We were so very, VERY fortunate and ended up being one of the few houses in our area that didn't flood inside.  All around us, it ranged from a little bit of water in peoples' garages to complete loss of entire homes.  Our area was among the hardest hit during this mess as were Bellevue and Antioch.  The Opryland Hotel, Grand Ole Opry and Opry Mills Mall, just 3 miles from us, all flooded so badly that they aren't estimated to re-open for months to a year.  Seeing the inside of the beautiful garden atriums of the Opryland Hotel full of dirty water and destroyed was so sad as it has always been one of my favorite places in Nashville.  But not nearly as sad as seeing the homes just blocks from my house in my very subdivision just ruined.  People have been picking through the mess tearing up carpet, drywall, etc. while trying to salvage anything.  Below are some pictures I took during the whole mess:

View of the end of my street

Our front yard before the water completely covered it

Fish swimming around IN OUR DRIVEWAY

View of the entrance of our subdivision a few days after the flood

The devastation in the aftermath of the flood just blocks from our house

This gives just an idea of how peoples' homes were destroyed

We couldn't get out of our neighborhood for several days as the flooding was too dangerous on the streets around us.  Thankfully we had enough supplies for Shay and enough for Jeff & me.  We must sound like parrots repeating over and over just how lucky we got to have zero damage. 

All over Middle Tennessee, so many others were not as fortunate.  Some lost homes, some even lost lives and loved ones.  It is absolutely heartbreaking.  Nashville and surrounding communities will need help for months to come.  Please consider donating money, goods and/or time.  So many area churches and organizations are banding together to help flood victims.  Check out Hands on Nashville and the Middle Tennessee Red Cross websites to see how you can help.  You can also check out our local news station websites News Channel 5 or WSMV for more information and video clips.

While I really hope to move away from Tennessee someday down the road, a couple of things I really love about the city are the faith and friendship.  People openly talk about God here.  People also seem to be more willing to help each other out and get involved.  I'm assuming that's how it came to be known as "The Volunteer State."  Never has this been so true today.  All over I see people helping people in ways that amaze me.  No one ever wants to meet out of dire circumstances but a small good that has come out of this mess for us has been meeting so many of our neighbors.  For years we've lived on this street and never met some of the people living just houses down from us.

Please keep Nashville and Middle Tennessee in your thoughts & prayers.

MOTHER'S DAY
Well my first Mother's Day was a busy one as Jeff & I hosted his family for dinner.  I made a full meal & dessert and we all enjoyed hanging out and watching Shay Bug.  I received some sweet cards & wishes from friends and family...thank you all!  "Surreal" seems to be the only word I can use to sum up this whole experience of being a new mom.  I can't believe we finally have our little baby girl.  I am the most blessed woman in the world to not only be a mom, but to be the mom of Shay in particular.  I love her so much!  My gifts from Jeff were some money to go shopping (woohoo!) and a sterling silver name necklace that spells "Shay" which I'd been wanting for a while now.  I still haven't gotten it yet because it was made and shipped from Jerusalem.  Fitting since my other favorite piece of jewelry, my wedding band, has diamonds from Tel Aviv, Israel.  My friend Kristen gave me some pretty flowers, Jeff's folks got me a zip up hoodie (which, for those of you who spend any time around me know I live in those things) and my mom got me a beautiful sterling silver necklace with a tiny silver baby bootie containing an aquamarine stone (mine and Shay's birthstone) with Shay's name engraved on the bottom of the bootie.  So cute and meaningful.  Can't wait to wear it with my other necklace...neither will be coming off :-)  I'm bummed that in all the running around cooking, cleaning & getting ready to host dinner, I never got a picture of me with Shay on my first Mother's Day.  However, I got some other shots which I'll share:

Shay with Papa & Mimi (apparently Papa's hand is fascinating)

Aunt Julie holding Shay Bug

Fast asleep on Mimi

SHAY BUG:

And finally, an update on my favorite subject...Shay!  Our baby is now 8 1/2 weeks old.  In the last week, she's begun to smile, coo and drool! 

We are loosely following some of the EC ("Elimination Communication") principles as outlined in the book Diaper Free Baby.  We have a little baby toilet seat that goes on top of the regular toilet that we put her on and she goes almost every time...smart cookie!  While she goes in her diaper too, it's so nice to save on some diapers on occasion and she doesn't have to sit in a wet or dirty diaper as often if we can get her on the potty in time.  Potty time has become our favorite because, for some reason, it's when she coos & smiles the most.  We joke that she's like her daddy because he's a pretty happy camper after going to the bathroom too, haha! 

My heart lights up when I see that adorable little smile.  There really isn't anything else better in the world than seeing your baby healthy & happy!  Next week we go to the pediatrician for a round of shots...I am a nervous wreck just thinking about it.  I hate even seeing the dog get shots.  I know I'm going to be a mess when they stick her and she starts crying!  Thankfully her daddy is cool about those kinds of things and will be the one to hold her. 

I'll close this ridiculously long blog entry (that took me a few sessions to write) with the birth announcement I Photoshopped and had printed through Vista Print:

Little Wonders

Yesterday marked 3 weeks since Shay was born!  Just like the pregnancy, time seems to be flying by and standing still at the same time.  I read a quote that says "The days are long but the years are short" and I totally see how that applies to raising a child.  Our sense of time would be totally hijacked if not for calendars reminding us of what day it is. 

The first week we brought Shay home was extremely challenging as we had a lot of breastfeeding problems and she was losing more weight than she should have which caused for no sleep and a lot of worry.  Thankfully, when we began supplementing with formula she started gaining the weight back.  Our visit to the pediatrician toward the end of that first week found us exhausted, frusterated and worried.  While we were waiting to see the pediatrician, we saw the "Little Wonders" music video by Rob Thomas off of the "Meet the Robinsons" soundtrack playing on the big plasma screen in the waiting area.  The song struck such a chord in both of us because we both instantly related to the lyrics.  Since then, it's become our little family's song.  It describes going through tough times but appreciating all of the little wonders life has to offer.  And I don't want to miss any of those "little moments" that make life with Shay such a blessing.  She's only going to be a baby once and I want to cherish every second.

The lyrics go:

Let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know the hardest part is over?
Let it in, let your clarity define you
In the end we will only just remember how it feels

Our lives are made in these small hours
These little wonders, these twists and turns of fate
Time falls away but these small hours
These small hours still remain

Let it slide, let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine until you feel it all around you
And I don't mind if it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by, it's the heart that really matters in the end

Our lives are made in these small hours
These little wonders, these twists and turns of fate
Time falls away but these small hours
These small hours still remain

All of my regret will wash away somehow
But I cannot forget the way I feel right now
In these small hours
These little wonders, these twists and turns of fate
Yeah these twists and turns of fate

Time falls away, yeah but these small hours
These small hours still remain, yeah
Ooh they still remain
These little wonders, oh these twists and turns of fate

Time falls away but these small hours
These little wonders still remain

Welcome to the World

This is over a week late (been a little busy as you can imagine), but I finally have a moment to announce that Shay Seraphina Burton is finally here!!!  She was born a week past the due date on Monday March 15, 2010 at 6:21am.  She weighed 7 lbs., 5 oz. and measured in at 19 3/4 in. long.  Perfectly healthy and perfectly beautiful!

All throughout my pregnancy, I said that I wanted her to have her own special birthday.  Not gonna lie, toward the end, I was so physically miserable that I was praying she'd be born before or even on my birthday (March 14th).  Dr. Mackey scheduled us to be induced at 7:00am on March 15th at our last OB appointment.  As much as I wanted baby to be born, I was less than thrilled about the thought of induction using pitocin which often makes for longer, harder & more painful labors.  I wanted a natural labor & childbirth, hence the Lamaze classes.  Lots of prayers were being said on my part that Shay would make her appearance on her own. 

My prayers were answered when I went into labor naturally around 8:00pm on my birthday.  At first we weren't sure if this was really labor but Jeff & I hung at home and timed the contractions for a little over 4 hours.  Sometime after midnight, they had gotten more intense and spaced closer together so we headed to Centennial Women's Hospital.  Upon arrival, they assessed me and I was dialated at 4 cm. and having contractions every 3 minutes so they immediately sent me to a labor & delivery room.  I'm guessing it was around 1:30am or so once we were settled in and the real work of labor began. 

After a few hours, I was really feeling strong contractions and wondering where the nurse was because she had been gone for awhile.  Jeff called her and she checked and was surprised that I was at 8 cm (said that most women were calling for an epidural way before then and that I had been so quiet).  Dr. Mackey was out of town so she phoned in Dr. Driver who was on call that night.  Everything happened pretty quickly then.  Looking back even though it was only a week and a half ago, I can't really remember what it felt like but I know that this was one of the hardest parts with painful contractions coming pretty fast and an overwhelming need to push but I was told I couldn't until we hit 10 cm.  The nurse encouraged me a lot when she told me that if I had gotten this far naturally, I would be able to do the rest.

In a matter of a few minutes, our room went from just Jeff & me to about 8 or 9 people.  They transformed it almost into a surgical type room dropping down lights from the ceiling and wheeling in carts with all kinds of instruments and sterile fields.  My water broke last minute and they said there was a little meconium .  They called someone just in case I needed an emergency c-section.  Hearing this gave me determination to get her out as safely & quickly as possible.  Before I knew it, I was told I could push and Shay was born 3 contractions and a few minutes later!  And thankfully, she was perfectly healthy.  It had to have been the most surreal moment of my life.  I really can't describe it.  I remember having my eyes closed during the pushing phase and someone told me to open them and I was able to see her head and then watch her be born.  Jeff cut her umbilical cord (for some reason I don't remember seeing that).  They took her right away to make sure she hadn't inhaled any meconium (thankfully she hadn't).  Then they brought her to me and I was able to hold her for the first time.  It's a moment I will never, ever forget for the rest of my life.

She is the best birthday gift I could have ever asked for.  I'll describe the last few days at home in a future blog, but I wanted to at least get some thoughts down about her birth.  I am so blessed to have Jeff as my husband and best friend.  He was there with me every step of the way and I couldn't have done it without his love & support.  He is an amazing daddy already! THANK YOU GOD FOR EVERYTHING!

Shay about an hour after birth

First Family Pic

Proud new daddy

Celebrating with Jeff's family & chocolate cigars (Papa Larry took the picture)

Me & Shay in the hospital the day after she was born

Our little angel

For the Birds

Jeff says I'm "nesting."  Guess it's not just for the birds.  I have a bunch of house projects/cleaning that I want to get done.  Don't know if that's really a result of a "nesting" instinct or just because I have all this time on my hands now that I'm off work and don't know what else to do.  The nursery is now completely ready and I have to say I'm quite pleased with myself...love the way it's turned out.  Shay (and her Mommy & Daddy) will have quite a nice place to hang out equipped with everything we need.  I'll just be on the hunt to find a nice table lamp for soft lighting and then we're all set!

Thursday we had what is hopefully our last ultrasound.  I say "hopefully" not because I don't like seeing baby in the womb but because the only way I'd have another one is if she's late and I certainly don't want that!  I am ready to meet this little one (and lose the late 3rd trimester pregnancy pains/discomforts).  The ultrasound showed that baby Shay has over inch long hair and it's sticking straight out of her head!  Haha, she will have a fro!  Even Dr. Mackey and her nurse Melody were cracking up at the photo.  Next mission will be to teach Jeff how to use barrettes, bows, hairbands & such.  The ultrasound tech did measurements and estimates her weight to be right around 7 lbs. but it's not totally accurate.  I hope she doesn't get too much bigger or it'll just get harder to deliver her!

She has dropped a little lower and I'm dialated 1 cm. which isn't much but at least we have the beginnings of some signs that she's getting ready to be born.  Speaking of which, we've had a lot of people ask...yes, provided everything goes well, visitors are totally welcome to the hospital the day AFTER she arrives.  Just call Jeff's cell beforehand.  Message me if you don't have his number.

Baby Showers

Today is my first day of maternity leave!  So excited!  It's nice to actually have a little thing called leisure time (and rest!) before baby comes.  Which means I can finally update this blog a little more. 

Well, our family, friends & co-workers have spoiled us rotten.  We've had 3 baby showers...one long distance thrown by my mom's friends, one in town at Jeff's sister Julie's house, and one at my work.  Between all of them, we have been so blessed and baby Shay is well stocked with baby care supplies, clothes, toys, furniture, gear, etc.  We are truly blown away at the outpouring of love, generosity & friendship.  Here are some promised pictures:

Opening gifts

Jeff, me (& baby!) with Jeff's parents and the crib mattress they bought for Shay

Pile of gifts for Shay

The ridiculously fabulous diaper cake and the ridiculously huge Gigi's cupcakes at the 330 Post shower

Hands down the funniest baby gift we've gotten (courtesy of "Creepy Uncle Mark" from my work)...yes the onesie says "Pull My Finger!"

I have a lot more pics posted on my Facebook page (click on link to see public photo album).  Thank you, thank you, thank you to all who attended the showers and have reached out to celebrate our baby girl...we love you!